They’ve Never Let Me Do This Before – Listen up Austin, Texas!

This is a big deal:

Next Sunday, January 30th, I will be running the Austin 3M Half Marathon.

This is a bigger deal:

The Bosses agreed to the following offer:

If you are in the market for a mortgage (meaning, looking to buy a home, or thinking of refinancing your current home), meet me at the finish line of the race, get your picture with me, and my bosses will pay for your appraisal if you get a loan with them.

Let me fill you in.  I am going to start at the dumbest level possible, because before I started working for the Bosses (and probably for six months afterward if I’m being honest), I didn’t know how a home appraisal comes into play in a mortgage.  So for the next few paragraphs I am going to assume you know less than me.  I realize this may be insulting.

Let’s say you are a crook.  Let’s name you Jimmy the Knife.  You go see a home for sale (that your crook friend is selling) and you say, “Wow!  Look at that crown molding!  This place must be worth a million bucks!”  Then you go to my Boss and say something along the lines of, “I’m Jimmy the Knife and I’d like a loan for a million bucks, please,” and he hands over the money.  You get your loan, and you and your friend catch the first flight to Vegas because you know what?  The home is a dump!  It’s only worth 50 grand, and now you and your friend get to buy fancy clothes and drink fancy drinks because you just scammed the mortgage bank!  Ah HA!

And let’s say you’re still a crook, and you still own the dump.  You could go to another mortgage banker and say, “Hi, I’m Jimmy the Knife, and my home is worth one million dollars and I’d like to do a cash-out refinance.”  And some ding dong could hand you over loads of money.  Ah HA again!  You just scammed the ding dong!

So here’s the thing.  There has to be a third party involved in mortgages that can go to a home (either a home you’d like to buy, or the home you own and would like to refinance), and say how much that home is worth – appraise it, based on location, fanciness, and all that jazz.  And we have to have an appraiser person do an appraisal for every single loan.  It keeps everybody honest.

Every person who gets a loan has to pay for that appraisal.  They usually run between $350 – $500.

When I read offers like this, I usually assume there is something sneaky going on.  I assume the money gets stuck to me through some other fee, or I think, “Oh they probably run this offer every other week.”  But hear me out.  My bosses have done four loans for me over the years.  Me, their one and only assistant.  The gal who would practically die for them.

They didn’t pay for my appraisals.  I paid for every one of those suckers.

My point is this.  This is a very generous offer.  So here’s what I’m asking.  If you are in the Austin area and think you might be a candidate for a loan, give us a call in the next week to find out if it’s a good idea.  My Bosses will run the numbers for anyone who calls, for absolutely free.  If you all decide a new mortgage is for you, MEET ME AT THE FINISH LINE (or the medic tent), and my bosses will pay for your appraisal.

To make it fair for the Bosses, we’ll say that you have to get the loan in the next three months, and we’ll also assume you are not a robber and you don’t typically wear panty hose on your head when you enter gas stations.

So, if you have any friends in Austin, please pass this along!  Here are some hints that you should call or e-mail my bosses:

  1. You are interested in finding out what the cost and payment would be to buy a home
  2. You own a home and have an interest rate at 6% or higher

I will post more details next week about where exactly to meet me in Austin.  If you come out to cheer me on, your picture will be posted on the blog (assuming I don’t pass out somewhere along the race course, which I’m not entirely ruling out – in that case we will showcase a picture of you leaning over the stretcher to check if I’m still breathing.  You can yell – “Christina, wake up!  Do I still get the appraisal!?”)

Lastly, if you actually know Jimmy the Knife, please be aware that he is not a crook, but just a sweet guy with an unfortunate nickname.