The Executive

I just received an e-mail from someone at corporate with the title Executive Assistant.  At what point in my Bosses’ careers do I get to be the Executive Assistant?  I’m going to need a few months advance notice in order to start straightening my hair.  A tight bun will tell people I am no-nonsense, I am an executive (assistant).  Goodbye cute dress and scarf combo from Anthropologie, hello J Crew black suit and pearls.

Actually, now that I think of it, maybe I’ll hope the Bosses don’t become quite important enough to warrant a new title change for me.

New Project for the Week:

Continue stuffing envelopes.  Nope, those Happy New Year cards are long gone (except for the ones that were returned to sender because I got some addresses wrong.  Concerning those, after James made mention of them piling up on his desk, I promptly left his office pretending I had an emergency and haven’t come back in since.)

My current stuffing project is for someone else.  See, while James and Chad are my Bosses, sometimes they have me do work for The Others.  Said Other needs one hundred letters sent out, and word has gotten round the office that I am an expert stuffer.

I wonder if Executive Assistants do this kind of thing?

Speaking of things I do…apparently I’ll have less to do after this week.  Here’s the thing.  For the past few months, every week or so I’ve been getting e-mails that tell me about this new marketing tool corporate came up with.  They even named her.  Emma.  I am probably supposed to make that all caps like they do in the e-mails, but, well, I’m just having a few issues with Ms. Emma momentarily and I don’t know if I’m ready to give her all caps.

So each e-mail tells me progressively more about how Emma will replace me and isn’t Emma so wonderful.  And get this…they even made up a cartoon image for her and she has straight hair in a bun and wears a black suit!  Not. Even. Kidding.

Last I checked, a cartoon can’t stuff envelopes though, even if she is wearing a super pricey black suit, so take THAT Emma!  I have to give the chick some credit though.  I’m pretty sure she’s going to be taking over some of the rather boring parts of my job.  I’ll probably start propping my heels up on my desk and ordering her to make me coffee.  You know, if a cartoon could make coffee.

[I’d like to take this moment to let important people at corporate know that if they would like to send me any Central Market Pumpkin Pie Whole Bean Coffee to make amends for trying to replace me, I’d be very grateful and will stop being mean to Emma immediately.]

Until I get my coffee though, she’s a solid frenemy.  I’m supposed to do some training to learn more about her this week.   Whether or not I un-mute my speakers during the webinar and make inappropriate noises with my armpit is totally dependent on corporate sending me a condolence gift.

Oh, kidding.  I’m sure Emma is wonderful.  We’ll probably go shopping later in the week and talk about being assistants together.

Yes, I’m still talking about a cartoon.  Yes, it’s possible I’ve lost my marbles stuffing envelopes.  Welcome aboard, EMMA!

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