Has Anyone Seen My Red Stapler?

I am now officially a member of the “Find New Office Space” Committee.

At the moment, there are two members:  my Boss James, and me.  It started out as a one person committee, but as soon as I found out what James was up to via snooping on his calendar, I asked if I could be part of the project because Glamour magazine is all the time telling me to ask for more assignments at work in order to be glamorous and achieve all my hopes and dreams.

Here’s how this whole thing started.  There is good news and bad news.  The good news is our team is growing.  The bad news is we’ve outgrown our current office situation.  Pretty soon people are going to have to start sharing keyboards.  “Move OVER Hayley!  I need to press the L key!”

So, even though James hasn’t asked for it, I’d like to present my criterion for the new office space (Glamour also encourages me to share my ideas):

1. NO fancy coffee machines that pour your coffee for you (as an extra layer of job security for yours truly)
2. A real desk for me and not the granny table
3. Speaking of desks, let’s put mine in a front reception area so people have to get past me in order to see anyone else.  I’ll offer people water and comment on the weather.  I will be super friendly and witty and by the time clients are on their way to the Bosses’ offices, they’ll already be in love with us.
4. Cat friendly
5. Dog friendly
6. Nice hand lotion in the ladies’ restroom
7. NO Facebook blockers on the internet connection so that I can continue to nurture my friendships with sassy comments and like buttoning
8. Nice mailman assigned to it
9. Not cold
10. Close to:  Anthropologie, Central Market, Candelari’s Pizza, anywhere with good pasta, Star Pizza, and for good measure some sort of office supply store and a post office that never has long lines

While James is busy on the phone with people discussing nonsense such as price per square foot, I have already selected our new office.  I present to you:  The Williams Tower!  Top Floor!