Your Old Flame
It’s going to be a miracle straight from Heaven if I’m able to keep the Bosses’ coffee cups filled these next few days. Being sick last week threw my usual messy, disorganized schedule for a loop, and now I’m super behind. Soon James and Chad will commence to clinking their empty coffee cups on their keyboards like prisoners in the slammer waiting for chow.
The peculiar thing is that my absence somehow increased my capabilities in the minds of my Bosses. It’s like when your boyfriend breaks up with you, and once he’s gone becomes instantly elevated in your memories…
“Oh Walter! He could do anything – sob! He was going to – sob – be the president of his firm! He was going places.” But really, Walter was just a deadbeat and you’re better off without him anyway. And remember how he never paid for dinner? And that thing he did when he ate?
Well that’s exactly what happened while I was gone! Here’s the thing. James sent an e-mail to the team telling them all about some fab new tool we’ll be using. In typical James fashion, the e-mail was a bit, ahem, lengthy (three pages, single spaced, front and back – if e-mails had fronts and backs). Neither here nor there! At the end of his e-mail he gave marching orders to everyone on the team. And you know what he said after my name? I’ll tell you what! He told me to set up a conference call with some gals and do a walk-through on his new idea.
Hmm. Thing is, I have a flip phone. I just went through every single menu option on the phone and the fanciest thing I can do is turn my ringer volume down. Flip phones don’t do conference calls. Flip phones don’t do anything. I didn’t even think you could call someone from a flip phone?
Second thing is, I tend to stammer and mumble and stutter on work related phone calls with one person, much less a conference call in which I’m supposed to be heading up. Somehow in my ailing absence, James forgot all this (just like how you forgot Walter was not healthy for you– remember?). Hence, I’m all tied up Tuesday between 2:30 and 2:45 and can only hope nobody needs printer ink ordered during that time slot.
Assignment number two which was delegated to the sick and out of site is the researching of something that can only be researched using the very first ever created website that has not been updated since its creation. Now, we’re all very proud of this website – because we didn’t even know websites were around in 1974! – but it is proving my job to be a bit stressful today. Turns out 37 year old websites are tricky to navigate, and so far all I’ve got to show my bosses is a sticky note full of scribble reading “website is thinking…website error…information not available.”
They’ll be pleased with that…right?
Finally, if you need to get in touch with me tomorrow while I’m on my conference call, I am stationing the Bosses at the granny table with phones in hand. They have been instructed to answer any of your mortgage related questions in the friendly way they always do, and to pass along all your condolences concerning my busy work week along to me. As always, flowers welcome.