Please pass the gravy

This is my brain:

This is my brain after our team meeting:

They kept going on and on.  About what?  Bips.

Bips!  I have no idea. 

[Note:  I have now googled it and it is bringing up “Behavioral Intervention Plan” but I know that’s not what they were talking about…at least I hope not?]

And margins.  And blah blah blah.  My one excursion was standing up to close the blinds in order to break the tedium a bit. 

While they talked about all sorts of mortgage business hoo hah, I sat quietly in a daze picking at my fingernails.  While the meeting bored me to tears (or at least fingernail mutilation), I have to say that it showed me just how much my Bosses and the rest of the team understand this industry.  I work with really smart people who do their jobs well.  And here is where you come in… 

We’re hiring!  I’m fairly certain the Bosses would like my two cents on the issue too.  Therefore, I would like to present my own criterion for our new team member:

  1. NO rageaholics (I’m not making this up– I saw a guy on that show “Intervention” who is a rageaholic, and while I wish him well in rehab, I totally won’t be able to handle working with someone like that.)
  2. Nobody that uses loads of hair gel to slick back their hair – this applies to men and women.  I will be the judge of what constitutes too much gel.  You will have to squeeze a dollop in my hand and I’ll let you know if you pass or fail.
  3. No psycho cat people.  I am an avid cat lover, and consider myself the litmus test for sanity in this arena.  If you love cats more than me, you are a complete loon and don’t need to work here.  Look to your right…if you see a jumbo kitten calendar on your wall, then this applies to you, and you need not apply for our open position.

The above is my bare bones list.  I would also like to include my bonus round list.  If you fulfill any of these requirements, I plan to manipulate the Bosses into hiring you on the spot by poisoning their coffee and not stopping until they comply with my commands:

  1. You are one of my BFFs (you know who you are!) 
  2. You are a pizza chef on weekends and need a weekday co-worker who is always willing to taste test your recipes while you bang out loans for the Bosses.
  3. You are a seamstress at night and specialize in super cute petite clothing that looks just like it came from Anthropologie but really you just make it for free for people who hold peon work titles, like say “Just the Assistant.”

All this said, it’s possible the Bosses have some of their own ideas concerning what they are looking for in a new addition to the team.  And since I will not be paying your salary, it is only fair to include their opinions.

Give me a couple of days to pencil myself in on their calendars.  I’ll get the full scoop and spill it all here.  Until then, start brushing up on your bips and margins so that if they hire you, you won’t have mashed potato brain like I do after team meetings. 

Oh and look – it’s March!  Time to flip my cat calend – oops.