Mr. Helmcamp on Bond Street

This week’s tasks:

– Stand at the doorway of an event my bosses are hosting and hand people nametags.  Smile and be super charming.  I need to come up with some good nametag jokes to warm people up before entering.  How about, “Here’s your nametag…not that everybody doesn’t already know who you are! Ha haa!  Ha Ha Ha!” 

Or, “Here is your nametag and…”

Oh poo.   I’ve got nothing.  There are no good nametag jokes save for the funny guy who always says he “hates wearin’ these things!”  Onto my next duty…

– Invent an Iphone App. 

– Yep.

The good news is, my Boss Chad has loads of confidence in me.  The bad news is, sometimes this confidence translates into Chad thinking I am roughly 756% smarter than I actually am.  I think it all stems from the fact that “assistant” could encompass a variety of responsibilities.  You know… I can pour coffee, I can scan notes, I can frantically type while he spouts off new ideas, I can pass out name tags…all sorts of stuff!

So I get this e-mail from Chad.  And before you read it, I’d like to remind everyone that I’m an assistant.  At a mortgage company.  “Software company?” you ask.  No, a mortgage company.  “You’re the I.T. person for the mortgage company?” you ask.  No, I’m just the assistant.

E-mail below:

OK, so yesterday I went for a jog on what had to be the most beautiful day of the year in my opinion.  [Note: Chad’s e-mails are often Emily Dickinson stream of consciousness style].  My mind started working and I realized that iphone and ipad apps are all the rage.  Wouldn’t it be really cool if we could come up with an app that everyone had to have?  I’m thinking we need to think outside the box.  Of course we are in the real estate world, but does it have to be real estate oriented???  I think not.

Just a thought…               

Just a thought? 

So, like, is there a due date for this?  Do I have a budget? 

Bless his heart.   The guy is a great mortgage banker.  He’s just got a lot of other ideas that he doesn’t know what to do with.  So they all get sent to my inbox.  They usually contain multiple exclamation points and question marks and conclude with “The question is – what do you think!!!???”

I know, I know…I am very blessed to have a boss that cares so much about what I think and what ideas I have.  And you can trust that if a boss is going to be this kind to his assistant, he’s going to be just as kind to his clients (and would you apply for a home loan on the righthand side of the screen and say I referred you so that I don’t get fired for this?).  It’s just that I don’t happen to know how to implement all his wonderful ideas.  I’m thinking I should ask James how to put them all into a flowchart to get me rolling.

Maybe I can create an app that gives me good jokes for any occasion.  I could type in “nametag jokes” and all of a sudden at our event tomorrow night, I’m all the rage!  Afterwards everyone will say, “James Beaver and Chad Helmcamp are certainly delightful men, but that assistant!  What a hoot!  And that hair!” 

Not that I could actually use the app on my flip phone, but you know…just a thought.