Once a year, my boss James assigns me a job that makes everyone else in the office feel sorry for me.  Once a year, I sift through all of James’ expense reports, and calculate every single mile he drove for business purposes the previous year.  I have determined that it lowers my just the assistant happiness rating by approximately 14%.  And when I put a dollar amount on my happiness percentages and subtract this from the amount it saves him on his taxes, I think he ends up with around eight dollars and twenty cents.  I have encouraged him to do the math on this little project each year, but it seems he’s in no mood for the calculations and accompanying emotional graph I emailed over.

For this week James is extra nice to me.  He’s all, “Christina, how are you? Would you like to come have dinner with me and my family next week?  And uh, how’s that mileage report coming along?  Did I mention we’ll probably serve pizza, your favorite?”

To which I reply, “I can’t take this anymore!  Wait…did you say we’re having pizza?”

I just finished this year’s mileage report so James and I are friends again despite a bumpy week, and my therapist said I can go back down to two sessions a week until next April.

Speaking of my duties, Glamour Magazine says I should ask for extra projects at work in order to get ahead, and I’ve found the perfect one.  Each month our corporate office sends out a video to the whole company.  The videos show important people in the company reading lists of who is doing a good job and who needs to be fired.  They actually don’t read who needs to be fired, but I think that would be a funny twist and increase ratings.  At some point in each video, they allow people less important than themselves (but way more important than me) to read some of these lists.

So here’s the thing.  I would like my own regular segment in these videos.  I could add a little pizzazz to humdrum.  I can talk in accents.  They’ll love it.  I can do French:  “Zees eez zee leezt!”  I can do country:  “Heeere’s tha leeeeaaahst.”  I can do any of the past four presidents and/or first ladies.

If you think I should have my own feature in the videos, please email our CEO at…

Oh kidding.

Before I begin editing my audition video, I’ve a bit of fun news to share.  My boss Chad is teaching a free home buyer and financing class next Wednesday evening.  I will pass along more details later this week, but from what I’ve heard, I think it’s going to be a great class.  And anyone can come.  I doubt he’ll teach in accents like I would, but it will be good information nonetheless.

Now, time for my close-up!