It was an accident
Do you think mauling your boss’s dog’s foot is grounds for getting fired? Here’s the thing…
I am dog-sitting Cosmo Beaver, my boss’s three hundred pound Australian Shepherd. And I didn’t mean to maul his foot. Period.
The problem is, I have yet to find a physical action I can perform that does not translate in Cosmo’s mind, “This lady wants to play fetch with me!” Opening the refrigerator: “This lady wants to play fetch with me!” Applying mascara: “This lady wants to play fetch with me!” Shrieking,“Stop pushing that nasty tennis ball against my shin!”: “This lady wants to play fetch with me!”
And since I’m a really devoted Just the Assistant, I played fetch with the poor dog. Like, eighteen times in one day. As it turns out, that’s enough times for his foot to start gushing blood all over my kitchen floor. So now Cosmo Beaver has a mauled foot and missing toenail and I’ll probably get fired.
In an effort to make it up to Cosmo, I cleaned up his foot, and allowed him to sleep in my bed. And I never thought I would have to write anything like this in my life, but the dog slept on top of me. He slept stretched across my stomach, and I’m fairly certain I’ve lost two inches in my waist. They are now located in my throat. I’m not even sure how I’m going to answer the Bosses’ phone calls today. [Insert gurgled voice here], “Hello, James Beaver’s and Chad Helmcamp’s assistant here. I didn’t mean to hurt the dog…May I help you?”
It’s going to take a lot of mortgages for me to make this one up to James. I imagine if six of you apply for a loan today, that might save my job. Otherwise, I’m going to be unemployed with a crippled dog on my hands. Sheesh.
Above, Cosmo implores you to help our situation.
Below, my own dog, Cowboy Ledbetter, displays his distrust in my foot caring abilities…
Lastly, just another reminder about the home buying financing class this Wednesday. If I still have a job tomorrow, you can email me to rsvp.
I’ll leave you with a nice picture of the dogs kindly sharing their toys and discussing doghouse financing options…