First Loan and a Reality TV Multiple Birth Mother

I brought them a loan!  I went to the closing!  I wish I knew how to add music to this site because I’d want you to read this with a meaningful tune playing in the background.  Like the song they play during graduations.  Please secure that melody in your head before reading on, because this is a big deal folks.

I’m fairly certain I can be fired for copying and pasting items directly from a client’s file, so I’m going to need you to keep a tight lid on this.

Look at this.  Straight from our secret files. 

And underneath that in a box I have not added it says “Next Action:  Promote Just the Assistant to Executive Assistant Status and Buy Her that Cute Couch from Anthropologie for her Office.”  I know, I couldn’t believe it!

Okay, I’m sure you’re all wondering, “What was closing like, and what did you wear?” 

Closing was a hoot.  Now, it would’ve been boring if I weren’t there, but as I’ve told you, that’s a bonus of me being your referral source; I attend closing and make everyone laugh.  I pulled out some of my ole standby jokes since this was my first closing and I was a bit nervous.  One of my ole standby jokes is showing everyone my flip phone and saying, “Look!  It’s a flip phone!”  Everyone automatically bursts into laughter and waits for me to say I’m joking and that the flip phone is a prop and “look here is my real phone” and pull out an i-phone or something.  But I don’t.  I just sit there holding up my flip phone, nodding and smiling.  Then everyone realizes that’s my real phone and it turns rather awkward.

I wore a super cute black tank from Banana Republic with smart gray Anthro wide-leg trouser pants that just demanded respect.  I was all, “ Yeah, maybe I am five feet tall, but these wide-legs trick you into thinking I have long legs and I’m a no-nonsense, tallish business lady.” 

My Boss Chad came to closing too.  He kept a close eye on me to make sure I didn’t steal any pens from the title company.  (I didn’t.)  And speaking of the title company, well, no, I still don’t know what they do.  But, I met a very nice lady named Megan who explained all the documents to my clients my boss’s clients (that I referred) before having them sign.

One final note about that title company where closing took place.  I arrived at closing thirty minutes early (nerves), so I had plenty of time to hang in the reception area.  And they had People Magazine.  People Magazine!  I am the magazine police and I will actually decide where to get my oil changed based on the magazines an auto shop keeps in their waiting room.  I don’t even ask prices.  I just go straight to the nasty waiting area where the crusty coffee machines sit and look through their piles before I even approach the counter.  Bunch of old nasty auto traders?  No thank-you.  So imagine my utter delight when I saw People Magazine and had time to read an entire Kate Plus 8 article before going into the closing room.  And they even brought me a bottled water.  Again, I still don’t know what title companies do, but whatever it is, I like it.

From left to right:  The nice lady Megan who explained all the documents;  Just the Assistant;  Client #1 beams over his beautiful loan the Bosses provided; Client #2 (wife of Client 1) beams over her beautiful loan the Bosses provided.(Clients’ identities masked in case I get famous one day and the paparazzi are after everyone I’ve ever known):

3 thoughts on “First Loan and a Reality TV Multiple Birth Mother

  1. I am speechless mostly because I had too much fun reading your closing adventure. And I do have some good original jokes if you need them like why did the Rocket lose his job ? Answer because he got fired. See what I mean your speechless too now arent you ?

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