First Loan and a Reality TV Multiple Birth Mother
I brought them a loan! I went to the closing! I wish I knew how to add music to this site because I’d want you to read this with a meaningful tune playing in the background. Like the song they play during graduations. Please secure that melody in your head before reading on, because this is a big deal folks.
I’m fairly certain I can be fired for copying and pasting items directly from a client’s file, so I’m going to need you to keep a tight lid on this.
Look at this. Straight from our secret files.
And underneath that in a box I have not added it says “Next Action: Promote Just the Assistant to Executive Assistant Status and Buy Her that Cute Couch from Anthropologie for her Office.” I know, I couldn’t believe it!
Okay, I’m sure you’re all wondering, “What was closing like, and what did you wear?”
Closing was a hoot. Now, it would’ve been boring if I weren’t there, but as I’ve told you, that’s a bonus of me being your referral source; I attend closing and make everyone laugh. I pulled out some of my ole standby jokes since this was my first closing and I was a bit nervous. One of my ole standby jokes is showing everyone my flip phone and saying, “Look! It’s a flip phone!” Everyone automatically bursts into laughter and waits for me to say I’m joking and that the flip phone is a prop and “look here is my real phone” and pull out an i-phone or something. But I don’t. I just sit there holding up my flip phone, nodding and smiling. Then everyone realizes that’s my real phone and it turns rather awkward.
I wore a super cute black tank from Banana Republic with smart gray Anthro wide-leg trouser pants that just demanded respect. I was all, “ Yeah, maybe I am five feet tall, but these wide-legs trick you into thinking I have long legs and I’m a no-nonsense, tallish business lady.”
My Boss Chad came to closing too. He kept a close eye on me to make sure I didn’t steal any pens from the title company. (I didn’t.) And speaking of the title company, well, no, I still don’t know what they do. But, I met a very nice lady named Megan who explained all the documents to my clients my boss’s clients (that I referred) before having them sign.
One final note about that title company where closing took place. I arrived at closing thirty minutes early (nerves), so I had plenty of time to hang in the reception area. And they had People Magazine. People Magazine! I am the magazine police and I will actually decide where to get my oil changed based on the magazines an auto shop keeps in their waiting room. I don’t even ask prices. I just go straight to the nasty waiting area where the crusty coffee machines sit and look through their piles before I even approach the counter. Bunch of old nasty auto traders? No thank-you. So imagine my utter delight when I saw People Magazine and had time to read an entire Kate Plus 8 article before going into the closing room. And they even brought me a bottled water. Again, I still don’t know what title companies do, but whatever it is, I like it.
From left to right: The nice lady Megan who explained all the documents; Just the Assistant; Client #1 beams over his beautiful loan the Bosses provided; Client #2 (wife of Client 1) beams over her beautiful loan the Bosses provided.(Clients’ identities masked in case I get famous one day and the paparazzi are after everyone I’ve ever known):