I’m Going to a Fancy Lady Luncheon

In honor of attending my very first fancy lady luncheon tomorrow, I bought my very first lady suit. Someone asked me if it’s a Hillary Clinton suit. Nooo…because last I checked Hillary doesn’t live in the White House. Therefore, I will be wearing a Barack Obama suit. Okay, actually it’s an Express suit because Express is one of the few stores that sell pants for women under seven feet tall. And while I have been on a strike against Express because their ads are so skanky and airbrushed these days, I had to surrender when I realized I only had four days to secure the lady suit.

Here is a nice airbrushed lady wearing the suit I bought:


In addition to the fancy lady luncheon, things couldn’t be going more my way, because directly afterward I have a meeting with the Bosses concerning envelope stuffing. I assume they’ll want me to demonstrate my tri-fold skills or something. But here’s the thing…they’ve never seen me in a lady suit, and I’m fairly certain this is exactly what they need to convince them I am ready to ascend up the ranks of assistantship. Maybe they’ll even hire another assistant and I’ll be her boss. Love it! I’ll convince them to hire one of my BFFs and we’ll take long lunches and gab about clothes.

I haven’t bought shoes yet. Because this is my first lady suit purchase, I did lots of research, and some boring websites told me to wear conservative shoes that match my purse. I promptly hacked those websites. Actually, if I had the ability to hack websites, I wouldn’t be Just the Assistant.  So I closed those websites (take that!), and went to Nordstrom.com where I can sort by shoe color and narrowed my field down to pinks and reds. I’m going shopping tonight, and will report back to you all what I find.

Fancy lady luncheon preparation does not end with clothing, though. I’ve got my skin to deal with. My favorite method of preparing for anything fancier than going to Ruggles Green, is to take all the skin treatments that are labeled as “Apply weekly,” and use them all at once. Modern Friction face scrub? Doing it tonight. Active Charcoal Mask? You got it, right after the scrub. Calming tea treatment? Mm Hmm. Follows the mask. Genius! The lady at Origins didn’t tell me this secret I call “The One, Two, Three Punch My Face.” Nope…came up with it all on my own.

It’s these types of creative ideas that make me an expert assistant. Like the time I redecorated my boss’s office. I made him move his furniture around, hang pictures, and while he was busy reorganizing printer cords tangled in the midst of the shuffle, I slid my desk by the window. Woo ha ha ha! At the time, our office window overlooked a parking lot, but it was better that the wall I had previously been facing. Sadly, I do not have any examples of great Just the Assistant ideas that actually helped my bosses’ business, but I’m still young. I’m sure I’ll come up with some grand idea one of these days.

Until then, I’m off to shoe shop at the Galleria. Barack is meeting me at Dillards to show me how to pull the whole power look together. I wonder if I can convince him to refi the White House?

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