Fancy Lady Luncheon Follow Up

I documented my prep for the Luncheon with my new…video camera!  I made two videos.  One is of my “The One Two Three Punch My Face” routine mishap that occurred the night prior.  I have not included it here because it is gross (but funny) and I’m not sure that I could convince the Bosses that a video of me in a coal mask will really boost business.  (but I put it on my JustTheAssistant youtube channel…hint…hint).  The second video is below, and makes mention of video # 1 in case you’re wondering why I talk about a lizard tail.

[Just the Assistant Note:  Still learning about adding videos.  Here is another link to the video in case things aren’t working.]

First of all, I’d like to apologize for filming and driving all at once.  “You mean, that wasn’t your cameraman filming you?” you ask.  I’m sorry, I know, awful of me.  I won’t even read a text while at a red light, and all of a sudden I’m deciding it’s a good idea to film a documentary while driving through my neighborhood where small children dwell.  I vow not to do it again!

When I arrived I checked in at a fancy lady table, and after that it was me, Just the Assistant, in the middle of a room full of two hundred fancy ladies and three fancy men.  As you know by now, I have an arsenal of conversation tips I can employ at any given moment.  It was time to pull out Just the Assistant conversation tip #2.  I call it “Just Leave and Go to The Bathroom.”

See, when I get beyond nervous at an event, I just go to the bathroom.  I hung out in the bathroom for a good seven minutes yesterday, washing my hands, checking my teeth, untucking and retucking my shirt.  And if the bathroom is so crowded that I feel even nervouser, heck – I just go in a stall!  I reorganized half my purse yesterday in a stall, and I exited ready to conquer that Luncheon. 

Maybe I didn’t conquer it, but I did give out two business cards!  And I was a model listener during the speeches, nodding at the right times and clapping smartly.  I even gave out an occasional “Woo!” when deemed appropriate.

After the luncheon though, as I was heading toward the exit, I noticed it:  The line of fancy ladies waiting on valet.  They all had cash in hand, ready to tip.  I got in line and promptly started visibly sweating.  When I was only three people from the front of the line, I finally decided to just confess my sinfulness to the woman behind me who would no doubt see that I would not be handing the hard-working valet men anything as I entered my car.  I looked pleadingly at the her, begging her forgiveness with my eyes and said, “I don’t carry cash.  And all I’m going to be able to give the valet man is a smile when he brings me my car.”  And she gasped!  At least that’s what I thought she’d do.  She actually calmly shook her head and said, “Don’t worry about it.”

Whew!  Two lessons learned: 

1. Figure out a way to get some cash the day before an event in which I will need to tip.

2. Confess sins to strangers. 

Lesson #2 felt so good that when I stopped to buy plastic forks for my co-workers on the way to the office, I considered telling the cashier at Target, “I cheated on a biology test in tenth grade with the help of a guy named Keith who sat beside me.  He had the textbook open in his lap and looked up every single answer.  And I copied his answers.  So it was like double copying.  I am a double cheater.” 

Yeah…maybe Lesson #2 isn’t really universal though.  I’d hate to have to re-re-organizing my purse in the Target bathroom.  Now, off to hire a camera crew!