Fancy Lady Luncheon Follow Up
I documented my prep for the Luncheon with my new…video camera! I made two videos. One is of my “The One Two Three Punch My Face” routine mishap that occurred the night prior. I have not included it here because it is gross (but funny) and I’m not sure that I could convince the Bosses that a video of me in a coal mask will really boost business. (but I put it on my JustTheAssistant youtube channel…hint…hint). The second video is below, and makes mention of video # 1 in case you’re wondering why I talk about a lizard tail.
[Just the Assistant Note: Still learning about adding videos. Here is another link to the video in case things aren’t working.]
First of all, I’d like to apologize for filming and driving all at once. “You mean, that wasn’t your cameraman filming you?” you ask. I’m sorry, I know, awful of me. I won’t even read a text while at a red light, and all of a sudden I’m deciding it’s a good idea to film a documentary while driving through my neighborhood where small children dwell. I vow not to do it again!
When I arrived I checked in at a fancy lady table, and after that it was me, Just the Assistant, in the middle of a room full of two hundred fancy ladies and three fancy men. As you know by now, I have an arsenal of conversation tips I can employ at any given moment. It was time to pull out Just the Assistant conversation tip #2. I call it “Just Leave and Go to The Bathroom.”
See, when I get beyond nervous at an event, I just go to the bathroom. I hung out in the bathroom for a good seven minutes yesterday, washing my hands, checking my teeth, untucking and retucking my shirt. And if the bathroom is so crowded that I feel even nervouser, heck – I just go in a stall! I reorganized half my purse yesterday in a stall, and I exited ready to conquer that Luncheon.
Maybe I didn’t conquer it, but I did give out two business cards! And I was a model listener during the speeches, nodding at the right times and clapping smartly. I even gave out an occasional “Woo!” when deemed appropriate.
After the luncheon though, as I was heading toward the exit, I noticed it: The line of fancy ladies waiting on valet. They all had cash in hand, ready to tip. I got in line and promptly started visibly sweating. When I was only three people from the front of the line, I finally decided to just confess my sinfulness to the woman behind me who would no doubt see that I would not be handing the hard-working valet men anything as I entered my car. I looked pleadingly at the her, begging her forgiveness with my eyes and said, “I don’t carry cash. And all I’m going to be able to give the valet man is a smile when he brings me my car.” And she gasped! At least that’s what I thought she’d do. She actually calmly shook her head and said, “Don’t worry about it.”
Whew! Two lessons learned:
1. Figure out a way to get some cash the day before an event in which I will need to tip.
2. Confess sins to strangers.
Lesson #2 felt so good that when I stopped to buy plastic forks for my co-workers on the way to the office, I considered telling the cashier at Target, “I cheated on a biology test in tenth grade with the help of a guy named Keith who sat beside me. He had the textbook open in his lap and looked up every single answer. And I copied his answers. So it was like double copying. I am a double cheater.”
Yeah…maybe Lesson #2 isn’t really universal though. I’d hate to have to re-re-organizing my purse in the Target bathroom. Now, off to hire a camera crew!