One Step Closer to My Own Show
Many of you know my dream is to be Just the Assistant for someone on reality tv. I’m talking long-term dream, not short-term dream of being an executive Just the Assistant. And I don’t mean I want to work on a set and pour the producer’s coffee either; I mean I want to be on the reality show, pouring the coffee for the reality star(s).
Preferably James and Chad, my current bosses, will be the stars so that we can all stay together. It’ll show scenes like the three of us riding in a car on the way to an important meeting. They can sit in the front and talk shop while I take notes in the back seat and tell them where to turn. And they’ll say stuff like, “Don’t know what we’d do without you, Christina!” and it will cut to a shot of me rolling my eyes and smiling as I gaze out the window at the passing Houston skyline before getting back to my notes. The guys will have to get spray tans first, but I’m sure I can arrange that. Anyway…
I think I’m one step closer. Get this:
[Note: the voice mumbling behind me is Chad, apparently assuming I’m listening to him. Poor guy. Other note: there is hardly any sound on the video, so you’re safe watching at work.]
My job now is leveraging his fame in order to help me achieve my dream. The only predicament is that in order to be a reality star, you’ve got to have one of two things going for you:
- Possess no morals whatsoever
- Parent eight or more children simultaneously
My boss James has two kids which are zero help. And both bosses are super moral. I have access to their calendars and the stuff on there could practically win them peace prizes. Deliver meals to needy family: 2:00. Maybe I could trick them? Maybe I could go into the calendar and change Donate Blood: 5:30 to Rob local liquor store at 6:07 after donating blood: 5:30? That would at least get us on the news. And I would make a big to-do about being their assistant to the newsman. “Yes, my boss robbed this liquor store, and you’re darn right I support him in his endeavors. He’s got to feed those sixteen children at home somehow.”
Bam! Next thing you know, Bravo is calling. I could plot how to round up fourteen extra children fairly easily. I mean, we’d totally give them back after shooting each evening. Oprah is freed up these days…maybe she can help on that front.
Okay, I’ve got lots of work to do. First of all, if you’re willing to let me borrow your child(ren), please comment below with their ages and talents. Secondly, if any of you own a spray tan service, I’m going to need your business card, quick-like. Lastly, avoid Houston area liquor stores for the next four to six days, and watch for us on the news. Now, off to buy ski masks…