Shame on You
James is playing around with new email signatures and I am about to strangle him if he sends me one more loud, blinking signature that forces pop-ups and viruses to attack my computer. I finally convinced him to go back to his simple one that conveys, “I am a professional. I am above the age of 17. I am a male.” He claimed that a lot of people in the industry have the obnoxious signatures, that it’s totally normal. I think Chad has been brainwashing him.
For years, Chad fought for web links, graphics, cartoons of people signing mortgage docs, and logos to fill his signature line. I don’t even know if he had his name in the signature. Eventually, James and I shamed him into paring it down.
We had such success from it that I’m trying to convince the ole Bosses that we could use our same techniques on the public and shame folks into getting nice home loans from us. The jury is still out. To test the waters, if any of you can make it to the Happy Hour this evening, I may try some stuff out on you, just to see if I’m onto something here.
“Hey! Thanks for coming! Here’s your margarita [Insert charming smile and cute wink here]. [Insert shaming remarks about not taking advantage of low interest rates and low home prices here.] [Insert your own looks of horror and shock.] [Insert me taking everything I said back and offering you another margarita, quickly changing my tune.]”
“Here’s that second margarita and did I tell you how much I love that bag? That bag would look so good hanging on a cute hook in the entryway of a home you own with a very respectable mortgage from James or Chad, the ones by the bar over there, paying your tab. See?”
On second thought, bribery may very well be illegal. Never mind that. We’ve got other matters to discuss…
We could be neighbors. You heard me right. The house next door to me has been gutted, remodeled, and is going on the market next week. I especially need you to contact the ole Bosses about a nice home loan for the house next door to me if you are willing to do some dog-sitting for me a few times a year. And feed my cats. And water the organic vegetable garden that produced one salad five months ago. Just think…backyard winter grill-outs together; shopping at the same grocery store – “Hey neighbor! Ha ha – we’re at the same grocery store!”;
s wapping burglar stories.
I know, I know…you might be worried about the burglar that came to my house last month. Listen, forget the burglar. It was no big deal at all. Most burglars are completely harmless, and besides, it’s kind of trendy! Don’t you want to be trendy? And if you were already my next door neighbor and had been watching my house like good neighbors do, the burglar wouldn’t have visited, now would he have?
Bother. I’m back to shaming. Forgive me. Come to the happy hour this evening. 5:00 – 6:30: Berry Hill in the Heights.
Now, off to work on my own signature…
Just the Assistant
“Get a home loan from my ole Bosses, or else.”
[Graphic] [Blinking logo]