Dear Chap

The ole Bosses are looking to hire a new mortgage banker (see “What is a mortgage banker anyway?”). I think they’ve had a few meetings with the new chap, but nothing is set in stone. However, they haven’t let me take a look at the guy yet, and I’m fairly certain that I get the final say in who joins this team, right?

I’d like to dedicate the rest of this blog post to the potential new guy.  We will call him Chap, because that makes me feel superior him.

Dear Chap,

You might be wondering if it’s a good idea to jump on board with the ole Bosses James and Chad.  The short of it?  Yeah, it’s a good idea.  The long of it?

I’ve been working with these guys longer than anyone else in the office (except for Rachelle who is married to one of them, so that really doesn’t count now does it?). It’s fair to say I’m a trusted source, especially since I don’t work for the ole Bosses any longer.  They can’t fire me or give me a raise based on what I write here. It’s all just spewing out of the bottom of my heart.

Working for James and Chad will be the best career move of your mortgage banking life. I think you should probably look at being a reality TV star because that’s a much cooler job than mortgage banker, but if you’re planning to keep being a mortgage banker, you need to do it with James Beaver and Chad Helmcamp.

For years, James and Chad have been working endlessly, obsessively even, to perfect the team’s systems. James has spent roughly four of the past eight years perfecting stupid flow charts that depict what happens on our team and when. And you know what?  Even though nobody ever read the flowcharts, and James finally had to have about nine team meetings to just tell everybody what to do, his systems really work. What that means is, your clients are taken care of behind the scenes. At every step in the loan process, the team knows what is happening, and they’re communicating it to the client.  Yeah, yeah, I realize you’re the expert, but I’m just saying that the team works so seamlessly together that you could spend your days sipping martinis and things would still get done.

I shouldn’t have said that.

I don’t know any hard stats, because since I’ve stopped being an official employee of Envoy they’ve locked me out of their systems, but I do know that our branch does an amazing job of closing our loans smoothly and on time. That means your clients will think you are fabulous, and your clients will return to you in a few years to buy their next home. Repeat business, Chap.

Lastly, while I imagine the ole Bosses will expect a lot out of you, you should know just how nice they are. They’re not yellers. They’re not snarky. They just treat their employees really well, and if problems ever come up, they talk about it. It’s so healthy it’s sickening.

Well Chap, I hope you join the team and we get to meet soon. I’ll be the one in the cute Anthropologie outfit reading Glamour Magazine and not doing anything productive with my time. I may or may not write about you in this blog and may or may not ridicule you on the World Wide Web. We can discuss that later.


Just the Assistant