Broken Record Broken Record

If you find me on top of a building later today shouting obscenities at one of the big box banks and holding what may or may not be a weapon, please collectively pool your money together and bail me out of the slammer later. I probably shouldn’t reveal said Big Box Bank’s name here on the blog (but if you call me I’ll totally tell you who it is and how horrible they are because I am currently feeling quite sassy and devious.)

Here’s the thing. As I’ve said recently, I am in the middle of refinancing my house – and saving 200 smackers a month! Everything has gone totally smooth, and I close on my loan on Monday. Woop woop! The way I chose to have my loan structured is for me to bring some cash to the closing table. I could’ve had the closing costs rolled into the loan, but paying the closing costs upfront worked better for me right now. That said, James just sent my final document to my inbox telling me how much money I’ll need to bring to closing. I have the choice of wiring the funds or showing up with a cashier’s check.

Hayley, Envoy’s rock star loan coordinator even sent me instructions on how to wire the funds. I’m telling you, this company is thorough. But you want to know who’s not thorough? Not even a little bit and my face is still tingly because I’m so mad at how not thorough they are? HUH!? The Big Box Bank! That’s who!

I went to my Big Box Bank’s website and clicked “wire funds.” I then followed the prompts up to the point at which I was given the bank’s fine print. In the fine print there was a section titled “Fees”. The box told me, “In order to find fees associated with wiring funds, see your original disclosures when you opened your account [Not even kidding]. Or, click ‘Customer Center’ and select ‘Read Rules and Regulations.’” It seemed like a mighty fine place to just write the stupid fee, don’t you think?

And, do you think it is very convenient that there was no tab titled ‘Read Rules and Regulations”? And do you think it is awfully funny that when I called the help line, the girl on the other end of the line couldn’t find it either.

She never could find me the right document, but she did tell me that if I wanted to wire funds it’d cost $25.

I promise I have a point in all this. And yes, it’s one I’ve made before (er, sorry), but fresh wrath is provoking me to write it again. If you are thinking of refinancing a home or buying a new one:

Do. Not. Use. A. Big. Box. Bank.

Instead, just e-mail James or Chad (, and say, “Hi, I’m thinking about buying a house! Can you help me out? What’s my first step?” And you know what’ll happen? They’ll write you back. They will help you every single step of the way, and you will never be in the dark.

I feel better now. If you are still reading at this point, you are either a) my mother, or b) a very gracious person to listen to me rant this long.

Now, off to clean my gun count to ten.

And while I’m doing that, have any of you had any crazy bank experiences? I’d love to hear them!