Body Language

Team meeting today. I wish I could be more enthusiastic about it, but I had a smashingly fantastic girls weekend at the lake, and this office is sending me into a quick depression. Before we jump into the meeting, let’s take a moment to stare out the window and wish we were at the lake.

Hmm. . .

Now then, I am reading this great book all about body language. It’s called What Every BODY is Saying. Clever, huh? It’s the only reason I came to our team meeting today. Every other time the ole Bosses send out an e-mail about meetings I reply with some snarky comment and check “will not attend”. Not this time though. Team meetings are now the perfect opportunity for me to study the body language of the ole Bosses and to find out which staff they like and which staff they don’t like. Genius!

Below, my analysis of what’s really going on in this office. Click to enlarge.

Now let’s review some old office photos I found that bear striking resemblance to the body language secrets about which I’m learning.  The following paragraphs are straight from my book. I don’t know the page, because I’m reading it on my Kindle. All I can tell you is this one is on the 25% page:

When I see two colleagues talking to each other and they both have their legs crossed, I know they are comfortable with each other. First, this shows a mirroring of behaviors between two individuals (a comfort sign known as isopraxism) and second, because leg crossing is a high-comfort display. This leg-cross nonverbal can be used in interpersonal relationships to let the other person know that things are good between the two of you. . .

Don’t be fooled by sleazy lenders whose staff hate them. Come to Envoy, where we love each other.

Page 51%) Thumbs up is almost always a nonverbal sign of high confidence. Interestingly, it is also associated with high status.

I can’t remember what this guy does in our company, but I do remember he is very powerful. Here, he displays his high business status as well as his geographical height.

(page 70%) By mirroring another person’s behavior, we are subconsciously saying, “I am comfortable with you.”

While other mortgage bankers are busy swindling the poor, James and Chad display their mutual comfort and respect for one another by mirroring the way the other eats potato chips.

(page 17%) Men tend to massage or stroke their necks to pacify distress. This area is rich with nerves, including the vagus nerve, which when massaged will slow down the heart rate.

Which one of these do you think is the stress inducer?

If any of you would like me to analyze your body language, please fill out a loan application on the right, get a loan with my mutually respectful, friendly ole Bosses, and I’ll meet you at the closing table. There, I will note the excitement your body displays to be to be getting such a perfect mortgage.

Cue me happily waving goodbye, legs comfortably crossed, smiling. Cue you clicking on the mortgage application on the right. You’re smiling too. Cue high-fives from my ole Bosses to me.