A Real Mystery Borrower

Did you hear that the show “House Hunters” is a fake? That the people already own the home that they “choose” and toast upon at the end, and that the other houses they visit are, like, their cousin’s house who happens to be out of town? So funny!

I may start faking mortgages on this blog. I’ll tell you that some guy has filled out an application from reading my blog, and then I’ll make you all just about pee your pants at the suspense of whether he’ll go with the 5-year ARM or the 15-year conventional. Once he decides, I’ll show a picture of my cousin giving a Champagne toast to all his friends to celebrate his new mortgage decision and final approval with the caption “Jeremy celebrates with friends. Another happy client.”

Until then, I have a real client I’d like to tell you about. See, last week while I was pilfering about the office and doing nothing productive with myself, a client came in to drop off some documents. While someone who works harder than me scanned in the documents (because here at Envoy Mortgage, we’re paperless), the client started asking me what I do here. He asked, “Do you work on loans, too?” HA! Poor guy, thinking I’m someone useful.

I assured him that I do not work on loans, and since he had brought in a slew of documents that needed to be scanned in, we had a few minutes to chat. . .

It’s None of Your Business Who I Am

An interview a very private borrower

Just the Assistant:  First things first. Who are you?

Maximilian: I don’t want my name on the blog. Say my name is Maximilian. Yeah, that’s good. I don’t want my picture on this either. I don’t even do Facebook. My wife’s on Facebook, but I told her don’t put my name or picture up there.

Just the Assistant: Okaaaay. Well, can I at least put up a picture of your feet so people know I’m not making this up?

Max: Yeah, but I should have worn my other boots. [Insert long story about his other boots here.] Hey, can I be funny in this interview?

JTA: I think those boots will do just fine, and no, you may not be funny. I am the funny one and you just have to answer my questions. So, are you buying a home?

Max: Nope, I already own a home. I’m refinancing with Chad. I’m getting a whole percentage point lower rate.

JTA: Oh yeah? What are you going to do with the extra cash each month?

Max: Just roll it back into the mortgage.

JTA: Hey! That’s what I do too! Okay, give me some scoop on Chad. How has he been as your mortgage banker?

Max: Fantastic. But he wants to know everything about me. It’s like the blue glove process. [Now I wouldn’t go that far.] He’s asking for all kinds of stuff from me.

[Note: He sure is, because it’s the law. Chad Helmcamp did not write the law. But if he does, we will be the first to change the law and make it less cumbersome to secure a mortgage. Until then, our beloved borrowers have to provide a lot of information to us. Thank you.]

JTA: Yeah, he has to because it’s the law.

Max: Yeah, that’s what he keeps saying. Hey, why don’t you ask me what I like most about working with Envoy Mortgage?

JTA: What do you like most about working with Envoy Mortgage?

Max: The ease of refinancing. When I want an answer, I get it. Everything is clear and concise. At the big box banks you have to wait to get an answer. But not here. Okay, so say my answer is Envoy is accessible, informative, professional, and they cater to clients.

I give Envoy Mortgage two thumbs up!

[Note: it would appear that I coached Maximilian. I promise I didn’t. He just said that stuff totally on his own. This guy was awesome!]

JTA: Just curious. Who decided to refinance, you or your wife?

Max: I did. I just told her to sign the documents. (Laughing) That’s going to make me sound bad!

JTA: I won’t put that part on the blog. But hey, thanks for letting me interview you! Congrats on your refinance!

If you would like to get a mortgage from my fab ole Bosses, James Beaver and Chad Helmcamp and be on my blog, shoot me an e-mail. I’ll make you famous in no time! (Or, if you are more of a, ahem, private person like Mr. Max, we can keep it quiet.)

Off to a photo shoot with my cousin a new borrower!