A Message from the Ladies’ Room, and Why We Lost a Deal

There are now signs on the stall doors in the women’s restroom in our building instructing us to double flush when necessary. Tsk tsk tsk, ladies of the building. You should know when it’s a double flusher or not. For further instructions, see the following YouTube Video.

Onto other news. . .

We lost a loan last week. I don’t mean we lost it like you lost your car keys, or like those crazy stories about a couple losing a diamond ring in a fishing hole only to catch a bass thirty years later with the diamond caught in its gill. I mean, a borrower told my ole Bosses to get lost, then went with another lender.

Here’s the thing. . .

Right now, since the entire earth and her brother are securing home loans, home appraisals are generally taking about seven days to obtain. Apparently, home appraisers are working like mad and simply cannot guarantee they’ll be able to appraise homes within two days like old times. Now, here at Envoy Mortgage, my ole Bosses are still banging out loans that close on time despite the new delays in appraisals (remember, in order to obtain a mortgage on a home, in almost every case the home must be appraised). But all the same, they’re doing a lot of behind the scenes work to make sure everything runs smoothly.

So last week a borrower of ours, whom I’ll call Gonzo, who had already filled out a loan application and turned in his documents called to say, “Hey! I found the home of my dreams and am ready to lock the loan! But, I don’t want to order the appraisal for another two weeks, and I’d like to close on my loan in three weeks. Thanks!”

Uh, no.

One thing James and Chad live by and always press onto their staff is this: “Manage our clients expectations.” That means if a borrower wants to close on a loan six hours after deciding to refinance, we kindly tell them they are out of their mind. And when a borrower wants to put down three hundred dollars on a $200,000 loan, we smile and recommend a good therapist.

The point is, if it can’t happen, my ole Bosses tell their clients it can’t happen. Now, if there are hoops through which James and Chad can jump to make what seems impossible possible, you better believe they start jumping, but until then, they manage expectations.

This means that from time to time, James and Chad lose deals. Rather, borrowers call them up, and upon hearing the cold, hard truth, do not obtain loans with them.

But what also happens is this: Other lenders out there will tell those same clients exactly what they want to hear, just to lock the deal. And three weeks into the loan process, that loan falls apart.

This brings us back to Gonzo. When Gonzo said he essentially wanted to close on a loan one week after ordering an appraisal that takes seven days to obtain, my ole Bosses had to kindly tell him that there was no way they could make that happen. And the next thing that happened was this: Gonzo found a lender who was willing to tell him exactly what he wanted to hear. I can see it now:

Sleaze Ball Lender (picking up ringing phone): Hello? Sleaze Ball here.

Gonzo: Blah blah blah can I close in twelve days?

Sleaze Ball Lender (winking at his assistant and stifling a chuckle): Sure!

Gonzo then sent an e-mail to my ole Bosses saying, “I’ve found another lender and won’t be needing your services. Thanks!”

Of course, that loan isn’t closing in three weeks, but that’s not the sad part. The sad part is that even though that loan won’t close in three weeks, Gonzo will have spent so much energy working with this slimy lender that he’ll stick with the slime ball until the loan actually closes in five weeks. So either way, with James and Chad or with the liar, Gonzo doesn’t get to close in three weeks, and the liar gets the business, since he was willing to say whatever he needed to in order to get that borrower to sign on the dotted line.  

James and Chad are recovering quite well despite the atrocities against them. If you’d like to send a sympathy card or flowers, please fill out a loan application on the right, double flush in our restroom if necessary, and bring your warm wishes to the closing table when you secure your fabulous loan.