Psycho-Path-to-Loans

Throughout her entire life, my mother has only owned random sunscreens that expired more than six years prior and totes a beach bag full of them to every family vacation. The worn, brown, goo crusted bottles of Hawaiian Tropic always make me think of home. I just returned home from a vacation with my mom and together we went through an entire bottle of her 1996 Publix brand SPF 30. It was almost like opening a rare bottle of wine every single morning. “Ah, a 1988 Coppertone. Shall we?”

We had a wonderful week of sipping mimosas on the beach and eating very non-vegan seafood and Reese’s peanut butter cups. I returned to the office today (sniff, sniff), and discovered a whole new person sitting here! I walked in, fully prepared to be complimented on my new tan and lipstick, and saw this new guy sitting at a computer in one of the cubes! I wondered if he was an IT guy. He saw my confusion and introduced himself as Jason. I went directly to James’ office and scolded him for not telling me about the new hire. Five seconds after being in the office with James though, I realized why he hadn’t told me anything about the new guy. . .

The ole Bosses are going totally nuts! In the first two hours of being in the office today, each of them individually has pulled me aside to pour their hearts out for a good seventeen minutes apiece. Chad’s was filled with “it is what it is” every other sentence or so. Here’s the thing. Remember how I’ve been going on and on for the past few months how interest rates are crazy low? Well, they actually went even lower. I refinanced six months ago and half considered refinancing again. This means business for the guys is ca-razy! Good crazy!

Both of the ole Bosses are teetering in this weird state of being jittery happy about business being so great, and anxious over how long appraisals are taking right now. I’m serious, Chad is about to lose it. He keeps repeating himself. And in an odd twist of events, they unintentionally dressed alike today which makes things even kookier.

I know I should be building them up on this blog, but they’re too psycho today for that! Seriously, you should call for a loan just to talk to them and be part of the madness.

Case in point: When James and Chad discuss office matters and world events and sports, they throw this football back and forth:

Today, I sense a hint of violence between the throws.

Okay okay, I know I haven’t given you any real mortgage information today other than that rates are even lower. And you could have heard that by listening to the news. Sorry folks, when the ole Bosses are this busy providing you all with fabulously low-interest loans and saving you hundreds of thousands of dollars, they just don’t have time to teach me about loans.

If you’d like to help welcome Jason to the team, please fill out a loan application on the right and type “Welcome Aboard Jason!” in the “referred by” section.

Not the IT guy.

If you would like to recommend any good therapists to my dear ole Bosses James and Chad, please jot it down on a sticky note, fold it up tight and discreetly slide it across the table at closing to the men wearing pajamas, eating paste and throwing a worn football back and forth.