Party Poopers

The Bosses have censored me. I had a super funny post all ready to go yesterday, but both James and Chad laid eyes on it before I was able to post it. Chad read it first and leaned back in his office chair, rubbing his hands along the side of his head. “Christina, Christina, Christina, ah, eeee, I just don’t know.”

“Oh Chad, you’re too paranoid. This post is hysterical. Let’s see what James says,” I offered.

That turned out to be wishful thinking, because James immediately came back with, “You’re gonna have to go back to the drawing board on this one.”

Instead of returning to the drawing board, I offer you my censored post. If you would like to know what else happened in our team meeting today besides what’s written below, please secure a home loan with my censor-happy Bosses, and I’ll tell you all about it at closing…

James is totally crabby today. It’s heightened by the fact that he’s wearing pink. You expect a man in pink to be cheerful, no? The contradiction is glaring, and none of us are missing it, James Beaver. See, he’s juicing again.  He came into our sales meeting rolling his eyes and glaring at everyone. When I simply mentioned that he’s being a grump today and pondered aloud if it had anything to do with the fact that he’s existing on a liquefied vegetable diet, he went on this big rant about how he’s in a good mood today.

“I got some good sleep. I exercised this morning. And I happen to LIKE juice!”

Everybody got quiet after that and stared at the conference table. That is, until we heard a crackling sound coming from the conference room speakers. Was there a bad connection on the webinar? Was someone rubbing polyester against their microphone?

And then I noticed it. A live video feed of the lady hosting our webinar appeared on our screen. There she was in her lady suit, positioned at her mahogany desk, slurping her coke right into the microphone. We all just stared at the screen in horror, until we finally convinced Chad (who was the sole operator of the response mechanism in the webinar) to mention that the noise resembled fingernails on a chalkboard. Here’s his diplomatic way of handling it…

Once we got past those pesky hurdles, we all thought our sales meeting would be business as usual. Until it wasn’t. It all started when CENSORED made a very interesting comment…

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Below, my pictures that went along with the censored bit. The pictures would have been hilarious, but now they’re just boring meeting photos that will make you close my blog and go peruse Pinterest instead and never get a home loan with my Bosses. Note: It may appear from the pictures that our teammate Jason got in trouble and/or lost his temper and stormed out of the meeting; this is not the case. Sadly, I am not allowed to share the true case.

Before:

Jason happily attends the team meeting.

After:

Jason leaves the meeting.

Chad finishes the meeting alone.

I need two things from you all. First, it would help the whole office out if you’d call James Beaver and ask for a loan, but tell him you’d like to meet for LUNCH to discuss your loan options. We’ve got to get some food in this man. You know you’re crabby when you throw your pencil down on the table in the middle of telling people how good of a mood you’re in.

Secondly, kindly fill out a loan application for your dream home on the right, and type JUST THE CENSORED ASSISTANT in the referred by section.

And if you want to slurp your coke throughout the entire closing in which you’re saving thousands of dollars, you go right ahead.