That’s Dope

We celebrated James’ birthday today with seven different flavors of macaroni and cheese from Just Mac and jumbo slices of Rachelle’s homemade chocolate cake. Since it was James’ birthday, that meant we got to talk about whatever he wanted as we sat in a circle of office chairs and stuffed our faces, and he wanted to talk about sports.


He also wanted to talk about ole Lance Armstrong and the doping fiasco. Thus ensued a fifteen minute office conversation in which everyone offered their stunning expertise concerning steroids and sports and performance enhancing drugs and things of the sort. As we all sat shoveling in the assortment of macaroni and cheese and Rachelle’s double fudge cake, someone mentioned, “If they want to destroy their bodies, it’s up to them.” Someone else agreed, “Yeah, let ‘em! They’re only hurting themselves.”

Then we all had heart attacks and strokes and got diabetes after digesting our food. Take THAT you wickedly fit dopers, all busy winning races and scoring gold medals and whatnot. While you do that, we’ll be here at Envoy growing even larger office butts and eating Just Mac.

We’ll also be catching rabies. Well, I won’t , because I’m pretty sure out of all those African vaccinations I received last week at least one of them should double as a rabies booster. But the rest of the office is fair game.

See, on Monday while James was talking on the phone to a client, pacing about his corner office as he informed the borrower on the other end of the line about all the fabulous loan options at his disposal, he noticed something odd. In the midst of explaining the difference between interest rates on a fifteen-year mortgage and a seven-year ARM, he casually glanced at his ceiling…

to find this:

A large, furry bug, you ask? No, my friends. That’s a bat. A bat. In our office. Under the Waugh bridge, you ask? No, in our office.

James continued talking in a calm, if slightly quicker-paced voiced, and exited his office. “Sosurewecanhelpyououtwithaquote…” he said, wildly motioning to the rest of the team that there was a bat in his office.

The ole Boss worked in one of the cubes for a while until an animal rescue guy showed up with a little box to take the bat back under the Waugh bridge where he (or she; we didn’t have a chance to sex it) belonged.

We all made it up to James by giving him a birthday card with his favorite expression in the universe. You can hear his expression if you secure a loan with him. When he sends you a loan comparison sheet, he’ll add this phrase at the end of the email. When you receive the clear to close on your loan, it’s what he’ll say when he calls. When he shows you his latest flowchart, it’ll be written somewhere in every box:

If you’d like to find out more information about buying or refinancing a home, give us a call. We can set up a time to chat under the Waugh bridge in James’ office and you’ll have every question answered. In the meantime, I’ve got about five pounds of non-vegan mac to run off.