Big Changes, Folks! Big Changes!
You thought they took me down, didn’t you? Woo ha ha ha! Nope! This Just the Assistant is here to stay, and I’d like to inform you all of some major changes that will be happening here.
As some of you know, yesterday I had a meeting with my favorite Bosses to discuss the future of this blog. I have to tell you, when Chad came in and closed the door, I thought they were going to fire me and I started sweating a little. Thankfully, it turns out that’s not the case. Here are some highlights from the meeting:
- James and Chad would like millions of people to read the blog. They want the blog to go viral. Apparently James and Chad do not realize that blogs about mortgage companies do not go viral. What does go viral? Cats jumping in boxes, celebrities having sex, Asian children playing the ukulele, etc. However, we don’t have any of that here on Just the Assistant, so I’m not sure the Bosses are going to be too happy with our future.
- James and Chad want millions of people to subscribe to the blog (on the right). Please see above reasons why I do not think this will happen.
- Nicknames – I have no idea how many times Chad talked about how I could give people in the office nicknames. Seriously, at one point I just said, “Chad, do you want me to just give you a nickname?” to which he replied, “I really want a nickname.”
- Speaking of other people in the office, dear readers, I announce to you big plans for the future of this blog. In the past, I have only focused on highlighting how great my Bosses are at banging out honest, awesome mortgages. However, they’ve got a whole team of really great mortgage bankers who work here with them. Readers, I will now write about everyone in the office. My Bosses are great at what they do, but they want the world to know how great this team is.
See, out of the seven mortgage bankers in our office, each has their own specialty. You need a jumbo loan? We’ve got a guy for that. You’re a veteran? We’ve got a chick that focuses on loans for veterans! You want a regular loan but prefer a hot blonde to work on it? We’ve got TWO to choose from! (I know, sue me why don’t you?)
So for the next couple weeks I will work on introducing the other characters in this office. I may create a family tree of sorts to help you. Or a flowchart with me at the top.
For now, here’s what you need to know.
Gobe (her name is Christina Gobe, but my name is Christina, too, and since this is my blog, nobody else gets my name. You will know her as Gobe) – knows more about Lady Gaga than Lady Gaga does. And is an awesome mortgage banker.
Will – shaped like a V. Knows his stuff. Now back off.
Terry – thinks he’s fat and has started wearing his “fat pants” to work. He just came off a 1200 calorie per day diet. Probably the funniest guy in the office, but you’ll only know it if you’re sitting close, because he mutters all his jokes under his breath.
Jason – online dater, came to us after working for a Big Box Bank, currently eats a Paleo diet (but not really because I always see him scarfing pasta at events). Super nice to clients. Often tells Terry (above) about dating life.
Hayley – you’ve all heard me talk about Hayley as our loan coordinator. Well did you know she’s a mortgage banker, too!? No joke. Wicked smart and so pretty I kind of hate her. Unfortunately, she’s way too friendly to hate.
There are more behind-the-scenes people, as well, but I don’t want to overwhelm you all. Just know that the above cats are stellar mortgage bankers that work for my Bosses, and you will be getting to know them more in the future. And hopefully, you’ll be using them for all your mortgage needs.
If you have any ideas for making the blog go “viral” or suggestions for Chad’s nickname, please fill out a loan application on the right and attach any celebrity sex tapes or Maru videos you may have stored away in your garage. And if you’d like to welcome our new cast to the blog, send them your business.
Now, off to snoop. Majorly snoop.