Date Night with a Mortgage Banker

I just completed my random drawing (which took twelve minutes since I had to research how to make Excel draw a cell at random – turns out it’s a function called “random”). Congratulations Annie Higgins for winning yourself a Zelko gift card and Just the Assistant fitted T! Now Annie, you may be thinking from the title of today’s blog that you have also won a date with a mortgage banker. I am sorry, but this is not the case; the date with the mortgage banker is the consolation prize for those who didn’t win my giveaway. Now go enjoy your fancy meal wearing your JTA shirt while I explain to the rest of the contestants what they have in store…

You might not all have won, but I have something even more lasting to offer you: a date with one of our mortgage bankers, Jason Bates.

Jason enjoys long walks on the beach, picnics in the park, and quiet nights at home in front of the TV. Okay, actually, I don’t know what the heck the guy likes, but he’s very nice to his clients (I’d say that’s a plus?) and eats lots of fruit (probably a plus).

See, Jason is an online dater. He meets girls on the Internet and then takes them out to dinner. He told me once that if things go well at dinner and the conversation is good, he’ll ask her out for drinks afterward. But if things are just so-so, he politely says goodbye after dinner. I imagine I am not supposed to be giving away his dating tricks on this mortgage blog, but really, would you rather read about interest rates (stupid low, by the way) or a mortgage banking online dater?

Jason came to work at our branch after working for a Big Box Bank. When Jason is in a good mood, like most men, he displays this emotion by talking in funny voices. I have not had a chance to secretly film his voices, but if you’ve ever worked with, dated, been, or met a man, you know what I’m talking about. I mentioned it to Jason yesterday and he said, “Yeah, girls don’t really do that when they’re in a good mood, do they?”

No, Jason, we don’t. We blog about it. Now, back to Jason’s dating life. I am trying to get Jason a date. I asked him some of his basic requirements in a woman, but all I got was the usual – smart, funny, articulate, blah blah blah…So if you are female and enjoy putting sentences together in a coherent fashion, would you like to go on a date with Jason Bates?

Since he would not allow me access to his online dating profile, I have created my own profile for him:

Meet Jason Bates:

Professional AND outdoorsy, ladies.

Relationship Status: Never been married

Age: 38 (I think)

Income: I really don’t know. Probably pretty good, but not too good, because we don’t charge people an arm and a leg around here.

Favorite Quote: “Hi this is Jason Bates with Envoy Mortgage and I wanted to follow up with you about refinancing options. You can reach me at 281.682.2407. I look forward to hearing from you.” (I realize most people put thought-provoking “It is what it is” or “Life is not about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away” type quips here, but I’ve never heard Jason say any of those things and don’t want to misrepresent him. But I’ve heard him say the thing about refinancing loads of times, so it’s likely his favorite.)

In his spare time: Goes to the bathroom, eats oranges, goes to lunch, chats with co-workers about dating life. (I have no idea what Jason does outside of work. I’m sure it’s fun though.)

What he’s looking for: A nice date, and eventually, a nice wife.

Fun Facts: Has curly hair but keeps it short so you don’t know it. Recently referred to his “widow’s peak” which I had to gently inform him can no longer be referred to as such, because, I mean…it’s just time. Says he eats a Paleo diet. I do not believe him.

If you are interested in going on a date with Jason, contact me and I’ll get you set right up. In the event that you end up marrying Jason, I shall require half of your engagement, shower, and wedding gifts. Come to think of it, I’ll be joining you when you register, so let me know when y’all get to that point.

Oh yeah, and would you like a mortgage? We’ve got those too.