The Emily Series Part II: House Hunting

You want to talk about service? Bring me your stories of employees delivering refrigerators straight to your door, already stocked with cold cuts and fruit pies, tell me about the Sears man ironing your shirt for you so you could leave the store wearing it just in time for your big meeting, give me all the details surrounding the Kroger cashier who ran to your car with the bag of pickles you left at the register, and I’ll do you one better than all of those.

First of all, to make sure we’re all up to date, please click here to read my first post about JTA reader Emily and get caught up on her story. (In a nutshell, she’s a blog reader just like you and she knew whom to come to for her very own home loan.) Now here’s the part where I blow you away – I went house-hunting with JTA reader Emily over the weekend and measured houses for her. You think I get paid for this stuff? Nope. Do it ‘cause I love it. You think the folks at the crappy Big Box Bank are going to do that for you? Actually, hold up and let me ask Online Dater Jason because he used to work at one:

JTA: Hey Jason.

Jason (popping head over cube): Yeah?

JTA: When you worked at the crappy Big Box Bank, did you ever go with a client to measure the houses they were looking at?

Jason: No. I worked 10 to 12 hours a day and 95% of my time was spent babysitting loans that needed to be closing. But since I’ve been working here I went with some of my clients to their new house after closing so they could give me the grand tour. It was really fun.

Ha! You hear that, readers? I’m telling you, this is the best place in the country to get a loan. Maybe even the world; I’m not sure, I haven’t researched banks in the Yemen yet.

Now, it’s time to check in on Emily and see how things are going.

Emily, knowing I’m obnoxiously happy about her home-buying decision, invited me to come along with her to view some homes. So over the weekend, we paired up, tape measure, camera, and notebooks in hand to find Emily the home of her dreams. Below, some highlights of my customer service:

Think the Big Box Bank is going to measure a toilet for you? Think again.

Let’s face it folks. You’re going to spend quite a bit of time sitting here. Might as well make sure it’s of satisfactory height.

Another satisfied client.

Emily tests the shower in her possible future home.

Apparently the homeowner is a man, because all he had in the shower was Zest soap. Emily made do.

The homeowner only used Head and Shoulders, so Emily’s hair was a wreck after this. Where’s the Paul Mitchell?!

Checking out some new construction…

“These beams sturdy?”

And get this: Emily texted me today: “Tell them Chad has called and emailed to check on the [house hunting] process.” Dear readers, you can get a loan from anybody. But you won’t get this service, and you may even catch the flu if you go somewhere else and you might even end up doping. Then you’ll have to go on Oprah and listen, it’s going to be terrible. I mean, it’s possible is all I’m saying.

Would you like your very own home measurer/picture taker/blog writer to help you find the home of your dreams? I’m free! And I’ve got a whole team of rock stars ready to provide the home loan. Now you go call the office today (281.822.0660) and tell them Just the Toilet Measurer sent you.

I’m off to replace the shampoo at 324 Somewhere Street.