The Special Guest and a Broken Weenie…

Hayley had to take her weenie dog to the hospital this morning. She feared he’d broken his back. Turns out, he pulled a muscle in his neck jumping onto her bed (they have necks?) and now Hayley is significantly poorer than she was two hours ago. Donations for the pulled neck meat are welcome.

Since Hayley was busy at the vet this morning, she missed our special guest. See, sometimes Envoy’s corporate office hires new people. Then they parade those new people around to ensure all the branches are nice to them. Like, “See, John’s a real live person with feelings, so please don’t send him nasty emails.” Today, this happened. To mark the occasion, all the guys ironed their shirts and Rachelle even donned a business lady dress.

Here’s why. Envoy (and when I say Envoy, I mean our corporate office where all the fancy people and support staff work, not our branch) has hired a new manager of underwriting. Underwriters are the people who decide whether or not your loan is approved, so you best be nice to them. If they’d simply sent a new admin to our office for a meet and greet, we’d have dressed in flip-flops and jean shorts. But underwriters have lots of power, and we’re a smart branch. Heels and pearls, folks.

I caught him in the middle of a blink here, and thought against splashing it across the web.

I caught him in the middle of a blink here, and thought against splashing it across the web.

The underwriter is named John Holland. Here’s what I learned:

First, John used to work at a Big Box Bank! Eww! You know how we feel about Big Box Banks, right? If not, click here or here or here. Turns out, John feels the same way! He’s so glad he came to Envoy. Actually, six months ago Envoy offered him this job, but so did a Big Box Bank. Sadly, John decided to work for the Big Box Bank. And then, guess what? He realized he made a mistake. He says he should have come here six months ago. He called Envoy and expressed as much, and Envoy hired him two days later. I refrained from telling him he could’ve just read my blog and made the right choice from the start, but, oh, don’t listen to me. I’m just the assistant, just the blogger (who was like, totally right).

"Actually, I was just thinking about reading your blog..."

“Actually, I was just thinking about reading your blog…”

We’re all glad John made the move. He’s tough, and has loads of experience. He even had some job on Park Avenue at one point. I didn’t catch what it was, but seriously, even if he was a street sweeper, it’s pretty cool that it was on Park Avenue, right? He says he loves Envoy because when decisions are made, there are reasons given behind those decisions. And, he said they still used fax machines at the Big Box Bank. Fax machines!?  Y’all, come on. Here’s an example of what things look like at those Big Box Banks:

At the Big Box Bank, you might apply for a loan, and then thirty days in find out you can’t close on time. You’ll make a call to someone, being all polite and asking why your loan is delayed while moving men sit outside your door drinking Red Bull waiting to deliver your furniture to your new house. The person on the phone is going to tell you they have no idea why your loan is delayed. They’ll be like, “Um, let me ask my manager.” But there is no manager! Then they’ll go fax somebody, “Why is this loan delayed?” And you know what the answer is? Neither do we. Neither does John. That’s why he came here.

But at Envoy, we’ve got answers. You got a question about your loan? You call Gobe, Will, Terry, or any of the other fine mortgage bankers at our office and you get answers (don’t call me though, okay?).

And about John being tough. If John was all willy nilly about guidelines and rules and procedures, that would indicate that Envoy provides crap loans that will default. Nope. Envoy provides solid loans that people like you and me pay off.

John also said our systems are the cream of the crop, even better than the famous banks! I love it!

If you would like your very own purchase or refinance home loan that John Holland will gladly underwrite, please fill out an application on the right. If you would like to send Hayley’s dog a get well card and some cash, that would be okay, too.

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