Dolla Billz

My new house is almost complete, and I’ve been spending copious amounts of time on home decor websites picking out chandeliers and side tables. I don’t technically have the budget for these new niceties, so I’m doing what I can to save up. That’s why this week I stole my husband’s penny jar he’s had since college and took it to the Coinstar machine at Kroger.

It was not my finest moment. I’ve always imagined Coinstar users as totally desperate. Like, they need the booze so bad they’re  fishing in their brother-in-law’s couch cushions for coins. Or like, they need the heat turned back on in their apartment and now they’re cashing in the nickel they found in the parking lot.

I tried to be discreet, but that joker is loud. Like, “Hey everybody, look who needs some crack!” To be fair, yes, I know, crack users can be very nice people. I just didn’t want people thinking I was one of those friendly addicts. I’m a chandelier addict, not a crack addict.

This is where you get dolla billz y'all.

This is where you get dolla billz, y’all.

Bag of Coin

My Loot

Down the hatch...

Down the hatch!



$11.45. My husband has been carrying that penny jar around for over twelve years, and he’s managed to save $11.45. That’s less than a dollar a year. I traded in my receipt for Kroger credit and bought an extra bottle of wine with my eleven dollars. I’ve got to find someone else to steal from.

Speaking of dollar bills, y’all, I found some renters! Remember I was looking for renters? And they’re not shady! They’re like, normal people who will not trash the joint. They’re people who don’t have to frequent the Coinstar for crack, that’s who they are. The best part? It was a dear reader who hooked me up with them. (Thanks, Lynn!) Also, after some discussion, James and Chad decided against firing  me for writing an entire post about renting (I think they heard I was using the Coinstar machine and felt sorry for me) so I get to remain Just the Assistant.

If you would like to help me furnish my new home (by buying me this or sending me your penny jar), please fill out a loan application on the right and insert JTA’s Crack Chandelier Fund in the referred by section. Now, off to peruse the Kroger parking lot for stray nickels.


6 thoughts on “Dolla Billz

  1. Christina, I’m not lying or even exaggerating. When we moved to Scotland in 1994, we thought it might be more economical to ship dolla biilz, than huge containers of coins. Either A. this was before Coinstar, or B. I didn’t know about it or C. I was too cheap to use it because I think it takes a cut, because I used neighbor kids on the picnic table to count and ROLL the coins in old fashioned paper rolls. After days of doing this (we kept finding other junk drawers where a certain someone had been emptying his pockets for many years), the coins were too heavy to carry. We traded it in at the bank for several hundred dollars! And they didn’t take a cut for the transaction. Too bad at that point I was buying GameBoys and new shoes and jeans for little people who kept growing out of them, so I didn’t get chandeliers or side tables either.

  2. Funnnny !! – Don’t forget to tell your renters about their new friendly neighbor down the street !! 🙂

Comments are closed.