Group Therapy

My Boss James is feeling a bit low. He went two hours this morning without receiving any emails and totally panicked. He swore the email server was down and texted Hayley to get to the bottom of things:

In the meantime, the rest of us are pooling our funds to hire him a good therapist.

Speaking of being paranoid, Rachelle (our loan processor) may need to join James at the shrink. Here’s the thing. Due to my mad computer skills (and a very easy blog interface), I have the ability to see how people find my blog. Sadly, nobody ever finds it by searching mortgage terms. Instead, it’s random phrases like “hot lady cleaning” (seriously) to which my Bosses frown. Another way people find this blog is by Googling “Rachelle Helmcamp.” It’s so consistent that I’ve always assumed Rachelle Googles herself weekly. And that’s why I sent this email today:

Do you google yourself? Because at least once a month people find my blog by googling Rachelle Helmcamp. You either have a stalker, or I’ve caught you googling yourself. Both are funny.

Rachelle swears up and down she’s not searching herself. Claims she doesn’t even know how, but I know better. She’s all after me now to find out who’s stalking her. So, if you  happen to be Rachelle’s stalker, would you please fill out a loan application on the right? Or, subscribe to Just the Assistant so that you’ll be sure to trace Rachelle’s every move?

In other office news, a knife salesman stopped by the office (no joke) and suckered all the mortgage bankers into buying knives. The idea is we’ll give them out at closings (and no, I don’t know how many are left so please don’t go suing me if you close on a loan and only get a hug at closing and not a knife set.) Once they prepared all the gift baskets, V-shaped Mortgage Banker Will snuck one out and took it home. Thought he’d test out what he’s giving clients.

Test out indeed. Will almost cut his thumb off this morning:

Given that out of the twelve people on our team, two are hyper-paranoid and one is a cutter, do you think we could get a group discount on therapy?

While I look into that, you stick your email address in that box on the right so that my handy updates zoom straight to your inbox. And stay tuned next week when we check in on our house-hunting borrower Emily.

Now, off to hide the sharp objects.