Online Dater Mortgage Banker Jason’s Major Award

First things first, readers. My pal Lincee (you may remember her from when I entered my Bosses into a calendar men contest a couple of years ago (they lost)), posted some of my ramblings on her famous I Hate Green Beans website. Please read that here and leave friendly comments and tell Glamour Magazine that I’m waiting on their call.

Now then…

Y’all know my co-worker, Online Dater Mortgage Banker Jason? He won a Google Nexus 7. You’ll never guess what the contest was. I’m not even kidding – Jason won a Google Nexus 7 from Envoy Mortgage because he went on the most dates in the whole company last month. It’s like they gave him a prize for something he already does. Hey Mr. Envoy, you want to give me a prize for reading crime mysteries? How about for gossiping with our front desk receptionist? Want to give me a Nexus 7 for that?

Here’s the thing. Envoy had this contest going to encourage the mortgage bankers to set up coffee dates with their referral partners. Well, Jason, being the suave online dater he is, knew this was the contest for him. Set up dates? he asked. Phsh. In the bag.

Major Award

I sat down with Jason today to find out his strategies for consuming 1.2 gallons of coffee a day and how coffee dates with realtors compare to dates with potential wives.

Just the Assistant: Dude, how many coffee dates did you go on?

Online Dater Mortgage Banker Jason Bates: Honestly, I don’t even know. Sometimes it was 3 or 4 a day.

JTA: What?! How much coffee did you drink?

ODMBJB: On the days where I had 3 or 4 meetings a day, I’d get green tea.

JTA : Dang! That’s a lot of green tea. You’re going to live forever, huh? Did everybody start to run together? Were you like, “Who said what to me?”

ODMBJB: Nah. I took notes, and I even write on the back of people’s business cards, things like, “has a dog,” so I’ll remember the next time we talk.

JTA: That’s what Michael Scott does.

ODMBJB: It works.

JTA: How did you find coffee dates with realtors compared to your romantic dates from OKcupid?

ODMBJB: Uh, the goal is a very different. With the realtors I want to establish a business relationship in hopes that one day we can help each other out. Maybe I can be a resource for realtors if they have questions about mortgages, or I can help their clients. But with my other dates, I’m trying to find that special someone.

JTA: Dude, did you just say “special someone”? Tell me that’s not on your dating profile.

ODMBJB: Silence.

While Jason updates his eharmony profile, we’ve got other things to discuss. Specifically, the malarkey JCrew is trying to pull over on us:


Me. That’s who said it. Me. Oh and by the way, if you are new here and wondering “What the heck is this blog? Does she have any focus at all?” I’m supposed to write about mortgages (zzzzz) for our branch of Envoy, but I grow listless in those endeavors, and when that happens, it’s necessary to go beyond home loans.

Okay folks, you all have a fab weekend. And if you see Jason at Starbucks, tell him congrats. If you see him at a candlelit restaurant with that “special someone,” ask him if I can borrow his Nexus 7 to send some snarky emails to JCrew.

9 thoughts on “Online Dater Mortgage Banker Jason’s Major Award

  1. J. Crew, are people who make that much money and spend it at your store REALLY that dumb and/or blind? Also, “special someone” is the “good personality” kiss of profile death.

  2. I followed you from the I Hate Green Beans blog post that you wrote. Then, I subscribed to your blog and read all of the posts in my news feed. Yea! New, funny blog to read!

    All that to say, I am 110% with you about the J Crew malarkey! What’s with the shirt that they paired with the pants, too? Apparently, we can just put on the first thing we grab out of our closets and be “fashionable.” At least it will save me time in the mornings!

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