This and Thats

Broke as a Joke

V-Shaped Mortgage Banker Will is still remodeling his house. He stayed with his mom for one night, but he felt so bad that she was waking up at four in the morning to serve him coffee with cream that he ended up taking his family to a hotel. At this point, he has spent more money on the hotel stay than his new floors. I was worried that if I told y’all that you’d think he has tons of money and doesn’t need your business. I voiced my concerns to him. Turns out we don’t have to worry about that because now that Will has lived at the Omni Hotel for five nights in a row, he’s broke! Enjoy those new hardwoods, buddy.

Bullying Training

Our new guy, Britt, has big career plans. But for now, he’s just here so that Jason and Hayley can bully him teach him the ropes of mortgages by giving him lots of work to do and scolding him when he completes it. I tried asking Britt about his new haircut and Jason and Hayley went berserk telling me “Britt is busy! Leave him alone!” I don’t know when these people are going to learn that I don’t listen to them.

Britt’s hair before:

Britt's Hair Before

Britt’s hair after:

Britt's New Hair

Britt’s bullies co-workers:

Bullies

Chewing the Fat

Straight Shooter Shane thinks he’s fat. He saw a picture of himself at the Save the Blog party and went into a mild depression. (For the record, the dude is totally not fat.) Anyway, he just spent seven minutes in front of the break room refrigerator with the door open, scowling at the fruit and lunch meat. Always helpful, I pushed him out of the way and pointed out exactly what he can eat. “You can have those strawberries, any of those carrots, one piece of bread but only the whole wheat kind and – ”

“I can have that yogurt at the bottom,” he offered.

“Nope. No dairy.”

“What!? What’s wrong with dairy?!” Dude was about to lose it.

“You cut out dairy for a month and you tell me how you feel. That’s all I’m saying.”

“ROAR!”

Okay he didn’t really roar, but he was close, I tell you. He then proceeded to make a cheese sandwich and then went back to answering the phone and talking about loans.

Shane's Cheese Sandwich

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle…Everything

Our processor Nikki is about to lose it. She asked us all to start recycling about a month ago and the Bosses even bought her a recycling bin. Boy are we recycling now. We recycle everything. Spinach? Yep. Hummus? Yep. Paper bags? Nah, we put those in the trash. Pickle jars with the juice still in them? You got it! Nikki is now spending half of her days rummaging through our recycling bin to sort out the moldy raspberries from the canned goods. But last week James gave her a corner office with a view so she really can’t complain.

recycling

Alright readers, I’m off to ask for my own corner office (the cube I’m sitting in now has ants. Seriously.) Oh, and before I go, I have 94 subscribers (famous bloggers have thousands, millions even). Please subscribe on the right and con five of your friends into doing the same so that I can use that to convince the Bosses I deserve an insect-free cube.