Are Interest Rates Through the Roof and Are We All Going to Die?

My Boss Chad thinks he’s the man now. He brought breakfast to this realty group and gave a lesson on lending and mortgages and a bunch of other super boring stuff. The realty group wrote a blog about his visit, complete with a fancy picture, and so now Chad thinks he’s totally famous since he’s highlighted on two blogs. I checked out their website and have noted two interesting facts: 1. You must be insanely beautiful to work there. 2. The insanely beautiful workers have a really cool workspace with big windows and eco reclaimed furniture. I’d be more beautiful if I had furniture like that. I bet they all drink green tea and shop at farmers markets; I just bet you.

Did I mention I still have ants on my desk? And that it’s not even really my desk, just a random open one I’m squatting in until they give it to someone else?

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Hey, cool realty company, call me [insert knowing wink here]. I can come make myself useless at your office anytime you like, just like I do at this one.

Speaking of real estate and whatnot, I know y’all don’t come here to read about what you could just find out on CNN (ha! like anybody watches CNN), but hang with me for just a few paragraphs so that you can impress people this weekend.

If you’re like me, you’ve been seeing news stories and headlines saying mortgage interest rates are up. And if you’re like me, you don’t click on those stupid links, and instead click on the link that shows how two movie stars wore the same dress. So instead of clicking on the stupid links, I caught V-Shaped Mortgage Banker Will in the middle of his chicken break he takes every day, and I asked him what’s really going on.

Are Interest Rates Through the Roof and are We All Going to Die?

An interview with V-Shaped Mortgage Banker Will Zugheri

Just the Assistant: Listen Will, are interest rates really up?

V-Shaped Mortgage Banker Will: Yes.

JTA: Are they crazy high now? Like should people be jumping from buildings?

V-Shaped Will: Not at all. I’d say they were still crazy low actually. Put it this way. I bought my first house in nineteen ninety, ninety, uh –  oh gosh when did I get married?

[Just the Assistant Note: At this point, Will totally forgot his anniversary and pulled out his calculator to calculate when he got married. I’m not making that up.]

1991! Got married in 1991 and bought my first house in 1991 and the interest rate was somewhere around 9%. Anyway, I remember my parents were really excited for me that I was getting a mortgage in the single digits. To put it in perspective, rates today, though they’re higher than they were three months ago, are still roughly half of that rate I got back then.

JTA: Do you think they’ll continue to rise?

V-Shaped Will: Good question. I think there’s a better chance of them rising than decreasing.

JTA: Should people try to buy a house soon then?

[JTA Note: This next part is why Will is awesome…]

V-Shaped Will: If someone is house hunting and close to making a decision, now would be a pretty good time to do that, for sure. I think it’d be financially prudent to do that. But I think what’s more important is finding the right house. You know, if you rush into this because you think the rates will go up next week, but then two weeks later you drive by the house you want at night and it’s not what you thought, you won’t be happy. Just find the right house.

JTA: Ah, good advice, Will. That’ll be good for the blog because it’ll show everybody you’re honest. I also want to show everybody how you eat chicken every single day. Then everybody will be all, “Hey, I eat chicken too! Mortgage bankers aren’t all that different after all!”

Will Eating Chicken

Mortgage Bankers: They’re Just Like Us!

Alright folks, you get back to reading something more interesting than a mortgage blog on the Internet, and I’m off to apply insect repellant to my ant bites and pull some folks off the window ledges and tell them we’re fine. We’re just fine.

7 thoughts on “Are Interest Rates Through the Roof and Are We All Going to Die?

  1. I shouldn’ta done it, but I clicked that realty link. You weren’t kidding, JTA. Those people are gorgeous. And did you click the “our agents” link? Ho-lee cow. Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. You really ought to take down that link in the first paragraph.

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