Random News and Gloomy News

The Random News:

• Spanish-Speaking Nametag Wearing Richard has begun answering his phone with “Envoy Mortgage this is Richard” instead of his usual “Hello?” He claims it had nothing to do with me making fun of him about it. Mm hmm.
• Online Dater Jason has taken a break from online dating to focus on business. Says Jason: “With online dating you have to go home, check for comments, read bios, reply to emails, and I thought, I could be out providing mortgages during that time.” Dates: On hold.
• A blog reader called for a mortgage! The whole time Online Dater Jason (good thing he gave up dating so he had time to answer the call!) talked to the guy I punched the air behind him practicing my boxing moves and hissing “Yes!” Fly like a butterfly sting like a BEE!
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• It’s not going to surprise me when our new guy Britt completely snaps and beats the crap out of Online Dater Jason (or should I say “Former Online Dater”?) and Hottest Mortgage Banker in Texas Hayley. Jason and Hayley won’t even see it coming, either. It’ll be nasty, folks. Chairs thrown, desks overturned, Jason and Hayley running for their lives before the final blow. I can just see it: murder in the mortgage office. See, Britt is in the process of becoming a mortgage banker. In the meantime, he’s helping Jason and Hayley with all their work, which means he spends approximately six hours per workday receiving various insults from them. Jason and Hayley have been making signs for Britt. Sassy things like, “Shhhhhhhh” they hold up whenever Britt asks stupid questions like, “Would you like me to call this borrower for you and ease your workload dear, co-workers?” And they’re all RAHR! Hiss! Shut up, Britt!”

• Britt is going to lose it.

• Earlier Britt goes, “If you’re under forty, shut up!” Ha! I’m really going to like this guy.
• I sat down to interview my Boss James yesterday and this is how he looked when we finished:

•  My Boss James is overwhelmed by me.

The Gloomy News

I realize this is kind of hokey to put on a mortgage blog, but this isn’t really a normal mortgage blog, so here it goes: My sweet cat Thomas passed away last night. You might remember him from the time he brought a live bird into my house. He was small, orange and poofy, and I will miss him. Other than hunting, his favorite pastimes were snuggling against sweaty gym clothes, occupying boxes, having his head scratched, and sleeping on papers, usually important papers. Here are some pictures of him enjoying life…

I’ll miss you, Sir Thomas. I hope there are lots and lots of birds to catch, sweaty clothes to burrow in, boxes to fill and important papers to sleep upon in Heaven.