Boys Drool Girls Rule (Actually, They Cry)

Some folks here at the office are about to carpool to Dallas for a conference. But here’s the thing. I’ve heard of this conference before, and y’all, I’m not kidding…

They yell at you.

I’ve never been to it because I’m not important enough to attend conferences, but I know someone who has, and the speaker is all, “You’re GARBAGE!” and stuff like that. I think Online Dater Jason will be able to handle it. And Soon-to-be Senior Mortgage Banker Britt should fare well, too. It’s the girls I’m worried about. (I know, I know, go ahead and sue me because I’m all sexist, but it’s totally true and I’ll say so in court.)

Seriously, Hottest Mortgage Banker in Texas Hayley and I made a pact a few years ago. If anyone in this office ever yells at us, we will promptly do two things: cry and quit. Done and done. I’m not sure how our pact will play out once she’s being yelled at by a conference speaker though. Can you quit a conference?

And how Hipster Andie is going to handle this is beyond me. I’m pretty sure hipsters never raise their voices unless they’re at speakeasies or beat poetry readings, so it’s going to come as a rude awakening when the speaker is all up in her face.

I asked Britt how he’ll handle being yelled at. Britt thought that was hysterical. “Har! I’m 46 years old. There’s nothing some jacka$$ can say that’ll rowl me up. Har har!”

Pro-Janean is going, too. “Janean,” I said, “what are you going to do when they yell at you? You know they’re going to yell at you, right?”

“I’m just trying to plan ahead,” she said. “P to the fifth: Prior planning prevents poor performance. That’s what I used to tell the kids I coached in golf.”

Mm hmm. I’ve got news for Janean. These folks don’t care about P to the 5^th. Hence, Janean will be destroyed.

V-Shaped Mortgage Banker Will is staying behind though because if anybody yells at him, he’ll beat the snot out of them (not really, but he could). It’s too much of a liability.

Straight-Shooter Shane is staying behind for similar reasons. Dude would flip if somebody yelled at him (really really). It’d be just like his fraternity days I bet. (And btw – he still won’t show me his frat handshake (lame)).

And I’m staying behind as well (you’re shocked, right?), but solely due to the fact that no amount of conferencing or training can increase my productivity whatsoever. The Bosses have kind of given up on that with me, and glance idly at me as they walk past my desk, nodding slightly to acknowledge that, yep, I’m still here.

Tell me, dear readers, have you ever gone to an awful conference or training? Please please tell me about it below!

I’ll let you know next week how everything went with our gang. Let’s hope they all come back with eardrums intact and stories to share. Now, I’m off to P to the fifth some magazine reading.