Missing Person – Help Us Out!
(If you are reading this blog in order to help us find the missing person, please scroll down to the bullet titled “Jason met a girl” to get the details. Thank you!)
First of all, I told you. I told you so! They yelled at them! Soon-to-Be Senior Mortgage Banker Britt, Pro Janean, Online Dater Mortgage Banker Jason, Hottest Mortgage Banker in Texas Hayley and Hipster Andie have returned from the conference I told you about last week, the conference in which I knew they’d be yelled at, and I was right.
Yelling. Left and Right. Yell yell yell.
Some highlights from the conference…
- During one of the sessions Britt and Andie were attending, the speaker made everybody stand up because he thought they were acting like a bunch of no good lazy bums. “NOW JUMP UP AND DOWN!” he shouted. Andie, knowing what was good for her, jumped. Britt, being 46 years old and a bit crotchety, crossed his arms and glared at the speaker, refusing to jump. “YOU!” the slick-haired speaker shouted, pointing at Britt out of a room of a hundred people. “JUMP!” Britt, fearing being trampled by the masses of other conference attendees, started frantically jumping and wildly waving his hands in the air. Apparently, Britt’s not as old and grumpy as he thinks.
- Janean unfortunately had a woman in all of her sessions who asked extremely specific questions that had absolutely no possibility of pertaining to anyone else in the conference. Plus, all of the questions had meandering background stories to accompany them. Says Janean of her conference-mate: “I’m just like, shoot me in the head. There’s ten minutes of my life I’ll never get back.”
- Jason met a girl at the conference. Jason liked the girl. Jason forgot to ask for the girl’s phone number. Jason needs your help. Readers of America, spread the word for us. Here are the details we have:
- Her name is Kris (Kris with a K, that much we know) and she is a mortgage banker from a suburb of Seattle (and nope, we don’t know which suburb so a lot of help we are, and we don’t even know which company she works for).
- She is petite with dark hair and really cute
- She’s probably in her thirties
- She attended a conference in Dallas this past weekend (August 23 -24, 2013)
- She may or may not have flirted with a guy named Jason at the conference.
Readers, help us! Do you have friends around Seattle? Can you forward this on and help us find her? Kris, if you’re out there, Jason is waiting! (And yes, there is a ball and Jason is aware that he dropped it. Can you forgive him?)
Alright folks, will you forward this on? Will you help us find Kris? If you successfully help us find Kris for Jason, I will personally guarantee you a spot in their wedding party. (He’s already promised me maid of honor, but birdseed girl is still up for grabs.) Thank you!
You are so kind to try! I just showed Jason though and sadly this is not the missing Kris.
Pingback: Items of Note | Just the Assistant
May I humbly suggest LinkedIn (ninja ken friend of Nikki Hurtdao)
We’ve searched Linkedin, but with only a first name have come up with nada 😦
oh and don’t they usually have lists of other people who attended the conference available? Just a suggestion. Do you think these methods are stalkerish?
We have no problems with stalker behavior.
Pingback: First through Tenth | Just the Assistant
Kris Hoglan- works for Cobalt in Kirkland, WA. yall should have just called the CORE.
Shut UP! What! I hope they let me be the maid of honor!
Does this mean that I get to be Birdseed Girl? Sounds like the lamest coolest superhero ever.
Yes, you are automatically in the birdseed position. We’ll go dress shopping this weekend and stop by a feed store on the way home.
Pingback: Still Not Viral (But We Found Our Missing Person!) | Just the Assistant