Take Me Out, Coach

We’re listening to old country music in the office today. It’s relaxing and now everybody feels all nostalgic for nothing in particular, just like a general nostalgia. Ninety percent of the lyrics involve either extreme remorse over makin’ love in the night, or thinking fondly about makin’ love in the night. Both are really funny to hear in a mortgage office. I’m waiting on one of my co-workers to be like, “Yes, we got your loan approval,” on the phone with a client, “and your rate is makin’ sweet love while drunk on whiskey – I mean low! Your rate is really LOW.”

The honky-tonk atmosphere  is standing in direct contrast to a most horrid experience I just had in my ole Boss Chad’s office. Always trying to better themselves, Chad and James often find themselves entangled with pesky business coaches. (They probably think the coaches are fabulous, but I think they’re stupid.)

So I happened to be tootling about in Chad’s office when he decided to watch one of his coaching videos (he had another screen open to keep an eye on the loan business, though, so don’t you worry about that). In the video, this dude, the “coach”, sits at his desk screaming into the camera. I’m not making this up – he screams “I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT AND YOU BETTER DO WHAT I SAY!” as he slams his hands on the desk and gets all up in camera.

It was like this:

"Do what I say, you sorry scumbag!"

“Do what I say, you sorry scumbag!”

Chad kind of winced (I mean, like on the inside) and I felt really bad for him. If anybody yelled at me like that, even if it was on a video, I’d cry and take up pottery (an industry that I suppose involves less yelling).

To help cheer Chad up after the demoralizing incident, I’m helping him and James come up with creative ways to invite referral partners to their events. Here’s my latest idea:

Bingo Invite

I’ll let you know if anybody decides to drink and play bingo with them.

Speaking of drinking, I have another health query for you all. (And thank you all for the collective diagnosis that I likely have heartburn per my last health query – no chest pains for the past week!) Here’s the thing. I can’t stand drinking cold water. It makes me chilly and feels so harsh going down, so instead of sipping on the freezing filtered clean water out of our big office cooler, I pour water straight from our break room sink into my water bottle. It tastes mostly okay, but has an “off” aftertaste. Plus, as I was filling the bottle our pipes starting making wacky noises. Like groans. Do y’all think I’m going to catch something? Please discuss.

Finally, before I go, I have a teaser for what we’ll discuss next week:

Somebody was NASTY to our sweet Hayley today. More details to come because we’re seriously waiting to see if the guy ends up on the news. Spoiler alert: It involves copious amounts of meth (not on Hayley’s part). Stay tuned, dear readers.

Now, I’m off to drunkenly bail my momma out of prison in the rain.

3 thoughts on “Take Me Out, Coach

  1. I read somewhere that bears can’t pull back their lips like cats or dogs do, so any picture of a bear snarling and showing teeth is either photoshopped, taxidermist-stuffed, or the bear is falling from a great height.

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