The Scam (And What Happened to Hayley in the Elevator)

Somebody tried to scam me. It began when I received an email from a “Paulina Bennett” (who I now realize is a Nigerian crook).

Here’s the email (bold font mine for emphasis on the psychosis and/or blatant dishonesty of the sender):

Hello Christina,

I am Paulina Bennett, presently working as a freelance financial writer. I have written several finance related articles in different websites & blogs.  I came across your site “justtheassistant.com” & have found it highly resourceful , full of rich and vivid contents. I have to appreciate your work and I was wondering if you will allow me to write for your domain.

I can assure you to provide an absolutely unique , high quality & relevant article which will be useful to your readers. I hope you will consider my request & give me a chance to send you some samples of my work for your review.

I will be waiting for your feedback, kindly send me your reply as soon as possible. [Just the Assistant note: That’s a run-on sentence, Paulina. Tsk tsk tsk. No, you may not write for my blog.]

Thanks & regards,

This blog being “highly resourceful”? Ha! Shoulda quit while you were ahead, you silly ole Nigerian scammer.

There’s more…

Two days later I received a LinkedIn request. From PAULINA BENNETT! First of all, the picture looked like it was used for ads that say stuff like, “I love my car insurance provider!” It was a blond chick who no doubt is oblivious to the fact that her photo has been high jacked in a Nigerian blog scam.

Her interests include “long travel” and “spending time with my pet.” The poor scammer didn’t even think to Google “What types of pets do Americans have?” If you’re out there, “Paulina,” we like Golden Retrievers and Labradoodles. And cats.

Under “Advice for contacting Paulina, she eloquently writes:

“I believe in contributing unique articles which will be useful for readers.” Poor girl. I gave up being useful years ago.

Speaking of people breaking the law (there’s probably a law against all this, right?), last week as Hottest Mortgage Banker in Texas Hayley rode the elevator up to our office, she noticed a man (who appeared to enjoy some recreational meth, but we can’t prove it) in the corner of the elevator, chatting to himself. As Hayley stared straight ahead, the man incessantly mumbled “Hello bye hello hi bye.” Hayley, always quick on her feet, called her husband. A way of saying, “Oh, there’s a crazy man on the elevator? I didn’t even notice! I was on the phone!” Once the elevator landed on our fourth floor, Hayley stepped off, and as soon as she did the man screamed “You Effing BLEEEP!” (I paraphrased) and started banging on the elevator doors as they closed!

What? The?

Hayley’s husband: “Did somebody just call you an effing bleep?”

Hayley (running away from the elevator): “Um, yes.”

Later the office watched out the window as some police cars gathered in the parking lot around the man. Rumor has it in the building that the guy’s family ended up coming to pick him up. I’ll let you know if they bring him back though (you know, like, if he’s a handful).

Have y’all been in any scams? Or elevator confrontations? Please tell me about it.

Now, I’m off on an unexpected trip to London, where I’ll email you that I’ve lost my passport and need you to send me a traveler’s check ASAP, and did I mention my dad needs eye surgery in the Philippines?