Live Blog from the Apple Store

I’m live blogging today from the Apple store. My Boss Chad is hosting a lunch and learn here. That means Chad bought a bunch of realtors (and me and Pastor Christi) boxed Café Express sandwiches and cookies and the Apple people teach all the realtors (and me and Pastor Christi) how to use our iPhones. Tell me, people, does it get any hipper?

This place is like the CIA. So no, I’ve never personally been to the CIA, but I imagine it’s a lot like the Apple store. I kind of feel like a cow here, or a circus camel, because you don’t go ANYWHERE in the Apple store without a handler. Thus far, four different people have been in charge of me, and I’ve only gone from the front door to this conference room upstairs. What are these people so panicky about? I feel like a criminal just being here, but with really friendly guards and wardens who all wear blue.

Anyway, so I’m in this upstairs room hidden away in the innards of the Apple store.

I’m in the core of the Apple, people.

Here’s what’s happening:

Chad, being the super fly Boss he is, wanted to show my non-viral video to all the realtors. (He’s so nice, really.) So he opens by saying, “Thank you all for coming. Blah blah blah…You know that viral video of the girl who quit her job last week?” (This one.) And everybody nods and laughs. Then he goes, “Well Christina made a video in response to that…” And then he planned to play my video, right?

But this one realtor was like, “I haven’t seen the original one. Can we see the real video first?”

So the Apple people running this Core Show (my name, not theirs), start frantically searching YouTube for that original “I Quit” video. But the thing is, that girl’s video is so popular that all these other videos are trying to get in on the action by using “I Quit” in the title or whatever. In particular, one video that shows BOOBS on the thumbnail image. BOOBS! Everywhere! There are, and I count, FIFTEEN screens in this room, all with a nice little thumbnail image of some gal’s boobs. That’s thirty boobs, people. Christi and I just looked at each other and then tried to coach the Apple team to click the non-boob video just below porn channel one. This is right after they took the boobs off the screen.

Hold up. Live commentary here. Pastor Christi just turned to me and whispered, “I feel smart since I can follow everything this guy is saying.” She’s talking about the actual Apple Core Show presentation where they’re demonstrating on a large screen how to send emails and stuff. But the thing is, Chad has done a few of these lunch and learns in the past and I know good and well Christi has attended them with him because Chad needs help pouring everybody tea.

“But isn’t this like your third one?” I asked her.

“True,” she nodded, and turned back around.

(I’m probably not suppose to make fun of people in seminary. You should pray for me.)

Now the guy is just going over how to back pictures up in the iCloud and it’s getting kind of boring (except for this one realtor who keeps telling the presenter how much she hates the iPhone calendar, which is really funny. The guy is like, “And if you’ll draw your attention to the home screen…” and this lady is like, “I hate this calendar!” I hope she sends us a lot of business because I’m going  to like her).

Now, off to do absolutely nothing cool with my iPhone because I just spent this entire presentation writing this blog instead of paying attention.

Oh, and don’t forget our bingo night next Thursday (details here – please come!). There will be free booze. (Not to be confused with free boobs which is what you get at the Apple events.)