What’s News

Y’all, there’s a lot going on. Like this stuff:

• I just found out that V-Shaped Mortgage Banker Will is working on his brown belt in Tae Kwon Do.
• He can break boards with his fists. Seriously.
• Why has nobody ever told me this?
• Our new big branch (remember I told you we merged with another branch and I have a new boss now that may or may not have ties to “the family”) is throwing this fancy Christmas party. They announced it in our first full branch meeting and I distinctly heard the word “exclusive” used at least twice in describing it. From the way they talked it up, I’m expecting hustlers outside scalping tickets (which is good, because I honestly don’t know if I’m invited or not).
• Will and I just watched seven minutes of Tae Kwon Do YouTube Videos.
• Soon-to-be Senior Mortgage Banker Britt is busy studying to obtain his loan officer license. He has flash cards and I made him practice: (Please note my advanced editing skills: I was making a weird face in this picture so I cleverly airbrushed in a new face.)
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• I got to snoop around the set of Great Day Houston last week and I met a herd of cats who play musical instruments. I am not making this up, though I really wish I was making this up, as I see my chances of becoming famous spiraling downward.
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• The new branch sent out a roster. I’m not on it. I think this confirms that I’m not on the Christmas invite list as well. Pfsh! I had plans that night anyway. (Not really.)
• Conversation between me and Will earlier today:

Me: Hey Will, can you come over here and act like you’re about to beat up Christi?

Will: Should I put on my jacket?

Me: Dude, I don’t know. You’re the Tae Kwon Do master. I don’t know if y’all wear suit coats to beat people up. Okay, now FIGHT!

• Online Dater Mortgage Banker Jason is signing for a new apartment today. Yes, we’re a mortgage company. No, we do not think you should follow Jason’s lead.
• I have an interview with my Boss James Thursday in which I will ask him all the gory details concerning his recent breakup with my former Boss Chad. If you have any specific questions you’d like me to ask (“Are you sleeping with his picture under your pillow?” etc.) please submit them below and I’ll be all, “Heidi from Nebraska wants to know…”
• See you Thursday, sweet readers. Now, off to convince Will to Tae Kwon Do the doorman at that Christmas party while I sneak in the back.