I Have Four Things to Tell You

1. Big news, people. I have weaseled my way onto the Envoy Mortgage Fancy Pants Holiday Party invite list. This is the party that I didn’t think I was invited to (told here). Well, I still don’t think I was officially invited, but still. How’d I manage it? I put on my puppy dog eyes and asked around at the office if anyone would let me come as their guest and Online Dater Jason was kind enough to give me one of his invitations. Now who’s legit, huh?

The party is Thursday and my sole purpose in going is to take embarrassing pictures of people and tell you all who ended up making copies of their butts with the scanner. (Just kidding, new co-workers! I’m just going to spread holiday cheer, I swear!)

2. My Boss James Beaver just received his much-anticipated shipment of one thousand squishy beavers with James’ name and phone number painted across the bellies.

Currently, we have more squishy beavers in our office than people, keys, laptops, pens, and diet cokes combined.

Seriously.

We even used them to decorate our office Christmas tree:

I’ll let you know when James’ business explodes under the wing of this new marketing genius.

(I started to write a caption for this picture, but it’s so funny it doesn’t need a caption):

Next order of business…

3. Super fun news, readers – Britt passed his mortgage banker test! He’s legit, y’all! Well, actually he still has to finish all the paperwork for his licensing and I think they ask for your whole life history plus your mom’s life history, but once he wraps that bad boy up, he’s open for business! Dolla billz, Britt! (Oh kidding…our loan officers earn very little in order to give you low rates. Sometimes they even skip supper.)

4. Finally, it is with mixed emotions that I announce that I am allowing my subscription to Glamour Magazine to lapse next month. It’s been a mostly fun nine years together, but I’ve come to a place in my life where, no, I really don’t want to know the top 109 things that 23-year-old boys want in bed. Plus, I’m kind of mad at them for putting cigarette ads in there, too. (Remember on 90210 when Brandon refused to run cigarette ads in The Beat? Well, I’m just like him, and Glamour is like Steve, who totally wanted the cash from the ads. But everybody liked Brandon better, so there.)

Okay readers, you all have a fab weekend. I’m off to pick out my fancy holiday party attire and make sure the scanners are all working properly for those who may choose to scan their butts.