I’m on a conference call with my Mob Boss Ty and the rest of this huge new branch. At this point, everyone is wooing as Ty reads off a list of people who’ve done a ton of business this year. Apparently the wooers are sitting right beside the phone, because all I’m hearing is a muffled, “So-and-so mmff mmff mmff” and then what sounds like a group of injured parrots shrieking “WOOOO!” right into the speaker.
My first grade teacher, Ms. Griffin once showed the class how to cheer silently by slowly pumping our fists in the air and opening our mouths really wide. I’m going to ask Ty to pencil me in to give a quick tutorial at the beginning of next month’s meeting.
Speaking of silence, Straight-Shooter Shane just got back from taking a realtor to Barnaby’s for soup and salad. The silence occurred when Shane realized he had no money to pay for said soup and salad…
Here’s the thing. Straight-Shooter Shane made the mistake of shopping at Target over the holidays and because of this decision had his identity stolen by Target thieves. Since then, Shane’s bank has issued him a new debit card to replace the one the thieves stripped. But since Shane spends all of his time providing wonderful people like you with home loans, he never got around to activating the new card. And that’s why his old debit card was denied at the restaurant today.
After considering asking the realtor if she has any dishwashing experience, Shane rummaged through his wallet in hopes of finding a fifty dollar bill he somehow forgot about. This is what he found:
After scanning the restaurant for any wealthy people he knew, Shane searched his wallet once last time…
And found this:
A seven-year-old credit card that expires, like, tomorrow. Shane shakily handed it to the waiter and prayed.
Success! Shane was able to pay for lunch, and maybe his realtor doesn’t think he’s a hobo anymore.
Finally, I have a giveaway for you all, but it’s not a cool giveaway like other blogs have. This is a lame one.
Here’s the thing. My Boss James’ business coach (he still has that coach that screams at him) is making him mail out sappy “Letters from the Heart” to his friends, past clients, current clients and anybody James has ever met in his life who happens to own a mailbox. Because James is not much of a “Letter from the Heart” type of guy, he and I collaborated on his letter and came up with a “Letter from James’ Cold, Dark Heart”. If you would like us to mail you one of these letters (it’s basically an interview), email me your name and address and I’ll make sure you get one (email@example.com), or if you’re totally carefree, put your info in the comments section (I mean, Target has already stolen all our identities anyway). It’ll be like junk mail, but funny, so totally worth killing the rainforest. We’ll even spray it with James’ cologne (not really).
Okay, now you can go back to reading other blogs that give away cookbooks and flatirons and crap. Happy Tuesday!