I have to go. I don’t have to go.
I have a new ailment. It goes like this:
Repeat cycle three to sixteen times.
So last Friday I charged into my doctor’s office convinced of at least four specific diseases residing inside my body. I gave my doc some options to explore, as I’d spent the past three days on WebMD diagnosing myself.
But after lots of tests (including one, no joke, where he punched me in the kidney and asked if it hurt), I walked out of the doctor’s office with two packets of pills in my purse. Once home, I greedily opened one of the packs, eager to rid myself of this pesky problem.
Inside the packet was a pamphlet with encouragements like “Take your bladder back. Take your LIFE back.” Also in the pamphlet were pictures of people who suffer from this conundrum, and from the looks of it, they all spend their days in lounge clothes doing crosswords…
It is official, people. I am 102 years old. I’ll probably subscribe to a newspaper soon.
My Mob Boss Ty stopped by our office this week. His sightings are rare, so I tried to discreetly get some shots of him.
Apparently, discretion is not part of my skill set:
After he finished talking to this guy, he walked over and stood behind me and asked about the blog. I nervously fumbled to my stats page and tried to tell him how it’s actually a good thing that so few people read this. Like, we’re exclusive, you know?
I am not convinced he agrees.
But he can’t fire me.
Because I’m still in the ladies’ room.
Doing a crossword.
Do you think if you sat on a chair instead of balancing on your elbows at dinner you’d feel more comfortable and relaxed? Perhaps that’s your problem.
Brenna Beaver I will not have my art mocked.
I think the problem is that you cancelled your subscription to Glamour. But, you know, living the life a retiree as a young person, is not a bad way to go. If you are lying around doing crosswords all the time, you have lots of time to spend in the restroom!
I know! It’s scary how far Glamour’s reach is!
I love your piece, always cracks me up!
I could sure use some great humor writing for piece I need to start posting to the committee. Would you like to help me? It can be short and hit high notes but with your creative way and humor it will be all that much better and a piece the members will enjoy so much more.
I can write it this morning and send it to you so that you can add with your humor and great way of sharing the news. Will that work?
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
From: Just the Assistant
Date: Fri, 24 Jan 2014 11:40:08 -0600
To: Robin Young
ReplyTo: Just the Assistant
Subject: [New post] I have to go. I don’t have to go.
Christina Ledbetter posted: “I have a new ailment. It goes like this: Repeat cycle three to sixteen times. So last Friday I charged into my doctor’s office convinced of at least four specific diseases residing inside my body. I gave my doc some options to explor”
Do you have paruresis? I know about it because… a friend… has told me about it…
This made me laugh out loud. Actually, the dr didn’t diagnose me with anything. Nothing showed up in tests, so he gave me the “mature woman” medicine thinking maybe it’d help. I’d say I’m about 90% better now. So kooky, right?