I Interviewed a Guy Wearing Google Glass…

January 30, 2014

An IT guy stopped by the office yesterday to conduct his sorcery on our laptops.

And he did it while wearing Google Glasses (actually I just looked it up and it’s Google Glass – I think Glasses sounds better though, no?).

I had to know more.

Of Course You’re Not Being Brainwashed

An interview with an IT guy who came to our office, Alex

Just the Assistant (timidly approaching the guy she doesn’t recognize who is working on a pile of laptops in the corner of our office): Hey, um, do you work for Envoy?

Alex: Well y’all have a contract with the company I work for.

JTA: Hey! You’re contract? Me too! They won’t let me be on the official employee list. My name’s Christina. Uh, so I was wondering if I could ask you some questions about your glasses. Like, what’s that thing on your glasses?

Alex: It’s Google Glass.

JTA: No way! Like, do you see my Facebook profile floating behind me back here? (Waves her hand in the general vicinity of behind her head.)

Alex: No, but that would be really cool.

[Note to self: Call Google and tell them my idea and request lots of money.]

JTA: Why are you wearing them? Like, what does it do? And, uh, do people see you and think that you have vision problems?

Alex: What?

JTA: I mean, like, do you find that people hold the door for inordinate amounts of time for you?

Alex: Nobody holds the door for guys. Here, let me see your glasses; I’ll attach it to yours.

JTA (feeling like she has stepped into the future while Alex fumbles with her glasses): I feel like I am talking to the future. Like, nice to meet you 2026. Oh my gosh. (Puts on glasses.) Am I cross-eyed?

Alex: Kind of.

JTA: And these are supposed to be cool, right? Oh my gosh I can see the time! It says 2:06 right over that desk! (Waves hands wildly trying to touch the time.)

JTA (still cross-eyed): So you wear these every day? Are you in a relationship? Because I don’t think this is going to be good for romance if you’re all the time talking to your glasses.

[JTA Note: Alex kept going, “Okay Glasses,” or “Okay Glass Google” or something like that every time he wanted to do something like check his texts.]

Alex: I wear them every day. I’ve had them since November, when I got invited to buy them.

JTA: What do you mean “invited”?

Alex: You have to be invited by Google to buy these.

JTA: How’d you get invited? Why was I not invited? (Shouts to front desk) Christi – have you seen any invitations for me lately?

Alex: I have a friend that works for Google, and she got me on the list. And so I ordered them, and they were delivered –

JTA: By a drone, right?! How much were these?

Alex: No, they just came in the mail. They were $1500.

JTA: FIFTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS!? I hope you didn’t have to pay for shipping. Sheesh.

Alex: Shipping was included.

JTA: Alex, do you think Google is trying to brainwash you?

Alex (still working on the laptops): No. How?

JTA: Like, they’re subtly sending you messages with the glasses. And you don’t even realize it.

Alex (puzzled): Why would they do that?

JTA: Because, Alex, they could get millions of people to wear these, and send all these subtle messages, and then one day, everybody is like, “Oh my gosh I just had this thought that I want to, like, empty my bank account and send it to Google!” Right?

Alex: I don’t think so.

JTA: Yeah, but you’re the one who paid $1500 dollars for glasses that tell you the time. You’re one they already control. So, you’re an IT guy. Is this the job you wanted, working on our laptops?

Alex (proving JTA’s point about the brainwashing): It’s not my dream job. I really want to work for Google.

[JTA Note: I swear he said that.]

JTA (blatantly lying): Hey Alex – I can help you out, buddy! I’ve got, like, loads of readers with connections. I bet some of them use Google and can somehow hook you up.

Alex: That would be great.

JTA: I’ll get on that today. Thanks for letting me wear your glasses, man.

With that, I’d like to “invite” you all to keep reading my blog for the low cost of $1500. JusttheAssistantJusttheAssistantJusttheAssistantJusttheAssistantJusttheAssistantJusttheAssistant…