How the Heck to Buy a House Today, Part I

My mother has a mild addiction…to Goodwill stores.

When she visited me over Thanksgiving, I dropped her off in the Heights one day to peruse the trendy little shops along 19th Street. Two hours later when I called to see if she was ready to come home, she instructed me to pick her up at the Goodwill she’d found a few blocks away. Once back in my car, she said, “The polo shirts were four dollars! I need to go back to Florida. My Goodwill in Florida has them for two dollars.”

With that, when I found this cool blog yesterday –  written by this chick who knows everything about thrift stores and decorating your place for cheap, I sent it to my mom. And then I spent two hours reading all the tricks on how to decorate your entire house for like seven dollars.

Okay, now that I have solved all of your life problems concerning decorating a house, I will now solve all of your life problems concerning actually getting your house. And that’s why I have snagged an interview with Christina Gobe, also known as Hollywood Insider Gobe (girl loves her some TMZ… and mortgages).

What About the Naked Pictures?

An interview with Envoy Mortgage’s fab mortgage banker/Hollywood insider, Christina Gobe

JTA: Hey Gobe! The last time we checked in with you, you’d just been “rewarded” your own office since you’d done like a thousand loans, but since then you’ve switched offices. Do you like this one better?

Gobe (looking around): Well, this one doesn’t have a column in the middle that blocks me from moving my chair. So I’d say it’s better. I know you’re all into standing while you work these days, but I like to be able to scoot in my chair.

JTA: Sitting is killing America, I tell you. Now then, have you had any crazy borrowers lately you can dish on?

Gobe (pondering): Well, not a crazy client but I did have a client that called me every day, three times a day throughout his loan process. He was pretty funny. He liked to talk… a lot.

JTA: Did you answer the phone every time he called?

Gobe: Of course! Even when it was late and he wanted to know where to get a refrigerator, and what I thought about scratch and dent places, I answered.

JTA: That’s hilarious. Like, “This lady knows a lot about mortgages; I’ll bet she has some good insight on Whirlpool appliances too.”

Gobe (laughing): Yeah, uh, I guess scratch and dent places are okay?

JTA: That’s great though. It shows that people really trust you. Okay, Gobe, listen. At the top of this post I gave people a link to a neat blog I found on decorating your house, so now I want to give readers some tips on actually getting the house.

So here’s my question. I’ve heard that homes in Houston are selling, like, the day they go on the market, and that people are offering more than the asking prices. First of all, is that true, and second of all, if it is true, what should people do?

Gobe: That is happening. Sellers are getting multiple offers from buyers, so it’s a very competitive market. As far as what to do about it if you’re a buyer, there are a few things.

Boss James (entering office and rudely interrupting my interview so that he could ask Gobe a mortgage question): Hey Gobe, blah-dit-y blah blah bleh?

Gobe (rudely pausing my interview to answer the question): Bleh blah blah-di-tada.

JTA: Gobe, I think you’re the smartest mortgage banker I know. Can I take your picture?

Gobe: No!

JTA: Why?! You never let me take your picture! You look nice. Can I take one if I stick Heidi Klum’s face on top of your face?

Gobe: Well if you’re going to do that, you could use someone else’s body for the picture, right?

[JTA Note: Told you she’s smart.]

JTA: True. JAAAAAMES! Get back in here!

Heidi-James-Gobe gets work done...

Heidi-James-Gobe gets work done…

JTA: Okay Gobe, back to the question. How the heck are people suppose to buy a house these days?

Gobe: First, I would tell homebuyers to work with a real estate agent that specializes in the area you want to move to. Because if they specialize in that area, they’ll have a heads up on houses that are about to go on the market, and can sometimes let you see a house even before it goes up.


[JTA Note: Dear readers, Gobe and I eventually found ourselves in a very deep discussion concerning naked people and their role in selling houses. Yes, there is a connection there. But here’s the thing. I’m already at like 800 words on this post, and I know good and well that normally functioning humans have a limit on just how much they’ll read a mortgage blog; and besides, I need a snack. With that, I will post part II of this interview on Friday. In the meantime, if you need a realtor for a certain part of town, or have a question regarding the Bieb’s latest shenanigans, contact Gobe – and she can give you the hookup. And if you find anything worth noting at Goodwill, let me know so I can tell my mom.]

One thought on “How the Heck to Buy a House Today, Part I

  1. Pingback: How the Heck to Buy a House Today, Part II | Just the Assistant

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