Shaun is Still Talking…
Is Your Refrigerator Running?
The rest of my interview with Envoy Mortgage’s very own Hippie, Shaun Brennan…
Just the Assistant (rubbing arms of chair I’m sitting in): Okay Shaun, we’ve covered a lot here, but now it’s time I ask you, where did you get these chairs?
Hippie Shaun (nodding): I took them from another office.
JTA: These are stolen chairs!
Shaun: Nope. The person didn’t work here anymore. Hey, did I tell you I play basketball?
JTA (turning from looking at the chair to looking at this guy like he’s bananas): What? When? When do you play basketball?
Shaun: Tuesdays and Thursdays. Pickup games.
JTA: Did you just say pickup games? What are we in Chicago in the seventies? Where do you play pickup games?
Shaun: The YMCA.
JTA: Dude, you could not get any odder. It’s official.
Shaun (nodding): Did I tell you I’m also very political?
JTA: NO. Shaun, you have to stop. Listen, let me get back to my questions because I only asked how you’re doing and so far you’ve told me about nineteen different aspects of your life and I have an agenda here. Now, how is business?
JTA: Since you won’t market yourself to your hippie friends, how do you market?
Shaun: My style is, look, I do a good job, I know what I’m doing, I care about people, and I’ll treat everyone as I would want to be treated. Then I just like to sit down with people and find a connection with them.
JTA: Ha! Like, “Hey do you like tambourine music?”
Shaun (liking me less by the second): I usually just start with asking where people are from and going from there. I know people think I’m the Willy Wonka of mortgages, but I’m being genuine. I’m actually doing some work for a clown right now.
JTA: You are NOT doing work for a clown.
Shaun (reaching into his pocket): I am! Look, here’s his business card. Get a picture!
JTA: Are you having to document clown income?
Shaun: Nah, the clowning is volunteer work. Name’s Bam Bam.
JTA: This is amazing. Hey, do you ever get in trouble?
Shaun: Well, I really like to prank call people. I call my mom all the time and pretend I’m the SPCA and going to come euthanize her pets.
JTA (mouth agape in horror): You are horrible! You realize I’m trying to bring you business here, right?
Shaun (head thrown back, laughing): Tell her my name’s Mark Bark. She falls for it every time! Ha ha ha!
JTA (shaking head): Has your mother disowned you yet?
Shaun (still laughing): I’ve been doing it for a year and she still doesn’t know it’s me. My brother does it too.
JTA (hands over face): Who else do you prank?
Shaun (cackling): I got my stepdad THREE times in one day a few weeks ago! He still doesn’t know it was me!
JTA: Hope your stepdad doesn’t read blogs.
Shaun (maniacally laughing): If you make your name rhyme, they get more fixated on that than who it really is. That’s why I’m always Mark…(laughing so hard he’s having trouble finishing the sentence) Mark Bark!
JTA: Okay Mark Bark, because you have been gracious enough to stop doing lame mortgage stuff and prank calls and pickup games in order to chat with me, I’m going to help you out. I am going to help you promote your tambourine player. What’s his name again?
Shaun (straightening up): Craig Kinsey.
JTA: And how do people buy the album?
Shaun: iTunes and music stores.
JTA: Now when you go platinum you better call me, right? To thank me, not prank call me.
Shaun (smiling): Peace.
Okay y’all, I can’t even top this with a clever ending; I’m too flabbergasted. (But, in the event that you would like to prank call Hippie Shawn, please dial 713.403.6637.)