Secret Shoppers – They’re Everywhere!

Y’all, I’ve got some inside scoop…

On tires.

Here’s the thing. I’m sitting in the waiting area (which bites, by the way and has no women’s magazines) of Discount Tire right now on the corner of TC Jester and 18th, and guess what I just overheard. Are you ready?

Discount Tire

Secret shoppers are coming.

Discount Tire Manager (to cashier): Hey, what did Gary want when he called?

Guy at Cashier (trying to speak softly but guys who work at Discount Tire don’t know how to speak softly): He said that the secret shoppers are coming. That means we’ve got to exercise every single avenue, or else someone is losing their job.

Discount Tire Manager: Okay.

So that’s it. That’s why I think if you need tires you should come to this place. These guys are going to be running a tight ship over the next few days. (Come to think of it, I don’t really know what “exercise every single avenue” means, but I guess it could mean that they’re going to try to up sell everyone this week, and in that case maybe you should go to the Firestone down the road.)

Okay, this place is crazy. (I’ve been here an hour at this point.) I just heard one side of a phone call from an angry customer.

Guy at Cashier: Discount Tire.

Caller (saying something I can’t hear): Blah blah BLAH!

Guy at Cashier: Uh, you say they were racist?

Caller (again, I can’t hear): Bleh bloop bloopy!

Guy at Cashier: Okay well I can look that up for you. Got it. But you say he was racist? Because the guy who sold you these was Mexican, so…

(At this point I audibly laughed and had to put my hand over my mouth.)

Caller (obviously bananas): Bleddy blahdy!

Guy at Cashier: I mean, that was just one store. We’ve got (says high number that I forgot) stores across the country. You can’t assume every Discount Tire is like that.

Caller (still thinking the Cashier is racist): Bop bop.

Guy at Cashier: I apologize for this happening to you, but they charged you the correct price. That’s how much those cost. Mm hmm. Okay. Bye.

Y’all, I’m so glad I don’t work at Discount Tire.

I was once offered a job as a secret shopper though. The lady wanted me to walk into banks in creepy parts of Houston and ask about opening a checking account. However, I turned it down since, considering all the driving, I’d be making like three dollars an hour, plus I’m afraid of the ghetto, so…

Okay guys, I’m back in the office, and speaking of secret shoppers…

Online Dater Mortgage Banker Jason just asked me how my weekend was. “Oh, it was good. We did a marriage retreat.”

“Oh yeah?” Jason asked.

“Yeah, we’re kind of in training to begin leading the retreats…” I replied. Then Jason wanted to know all the material we cover.

“Oh, like communication, boundaries, stuff like that.”

“That’s great stuff. Think I could tag along on one of the retreats? ‘Everyone, this is Jason. He hopes to be married in twelve to eighteen months.’ It’ll be like I’m auditing it.”

Jason Listening

“Ha! That’s perfect. ‘Okay couples, Jason will be tagging along on your breakout sessions. He won’t be a distraction at all. Just ignore him while you brainstorm ways to improve your conflict resolution.'”

Okay y’all, I know I’m all over the place today, but being at the tire store totally threw off my day. (‘Tis a sheltered life I live, readers.) With that, you all have a happy Tuesday, and I’m headed home in my new tires.