We had a meeting today, a meeting in which V-Shaped Mortgage Banker Will got in trouble…
Before we all headed to the conference room, Will leaned over to me like he was about to let me in on a secret. My ears perked up because I figured if Will had any secrets, they’re really good ones, like maybe he’s with the mob (he’s not).
Instead, Will quietly said, “If the occasion arises, if you feel the need to stand up for me in the meeting, I give you permission.”
“Like if I say you have a good heart and that the bosses should think about that?” I suggested.
“That would be great,” he said. He nodded. “Yeah, talk about my heart.”
Once in the conference room, things got tense. It started with James studying a sheet of paper that somehow represents Will (y’all know good and well I don’t understand this business so don’t even ask me what the paper was about), and Will staring at the paper, too, but looking like a scared little boy:
(If the pictures show up small, refresh your page because I spent like an hour on these.)
Then James was like, “Will, you’re in big trouble, man.”
Here’s what Will said back, and y’all I’m not making this up – this is verbatim from my notes:
“I’m getting more and more aware of, uh…But I did…uh…”
Then he started talking about himself in third-person plural for some reason. I’ve heard the third-person thing is a self-defense deal but the plural part is new to me.
“We’re taking steps to…”
After the meeting, James called everybody out to watch V-Shaped Mortgage Banker Will do 100 push-ups (we don’t play here).
The funniest part of this picture is that nobody’s even watching except for Front Desk Wonder Lady Christi and she was only watching because she got bored at the front desk . It’s like, totally normal that they’re doing push-ups in the middle of the mortgage office (and for the record, James did the push-ups alongside Will):
Also for the record, after forty push-ups, James swapped from doing man-push-ups to push-ups like my mom does them (which are fine for my mom, but come on y’all).
And lastly for the record, people, V-Shaped Mortgage Banker Will does have a good heart (spiritually and physically thanks to the push-ups).