I just walked into the office and placed my lunch, phone, car keys and cardigan in the refrigerator. Other than that, there are three things happening…

The Flirt

Hollywood Insider Gobe is being flirted with by an obnoxious client. Says Gobe of her suitor, “I just act like a dumba$$ and pretend I don’t get that he’s flirting with me.” She didn’t get her own office for nothing, folks.

The Steaks

Last week a steak salesman came to our office. Our front desk wonder lady Christi escorted him in and said, “Excuse me everyone. We have an announcement.” I thought maybe we were all getting raises or something so I stood up from my cube to hear the big news. Instead, this guy is like, “I’ve got marbled steaks, center cut steaks, rib eye…” That’s when I sat back down, mouthing “vegan” and giving him a little nod on my way down.

Online Dater Mortgage Banker Jason was on the phone during the cattle presentation. As I was about to give the meat man the slit my throat motion so that he’d shut up and quit interrupting Jason’s call, Jason says into the phone, “Hold on one sec,” and then to the steak man, “You said you got center cut?”

Four minutes later Jason is knee-deep in negotiations in our foyer…

And six minutes after that we all had to step over Jason in the foyer because there he was, pawing through this big cooler of raw meats. In the foyer.

Now this is what our freezer looks like. I made Christi pose with the meat since she let the guy in here in the first place.

It’s $200 worth of beef, by the way, on which Jason notes, “Considering how much meat I eat, it’s actually saving me money versus going to the store.” Not willy nilly with our money here at the mortgage office, folks.

The Games

The ole Boss James thinks we’re all getting chubby (probably due to the meat salesman episode) so he’s making us compete in a weight-loss challenge. Oh kidding. James wants us all to be healthy so he’s offering the opportunity to compete in a health challenge. So in addition to working on home loans, everybody is all writing down everything they eat and slapping each others’ hands when somebody reaches for the cheesy puffs. We get points for stuff, like drinking a certain amount of water and getting enough sleep. The first day of the competition I drank like half a gallon of water before breakfast, scared that I wouldn’t be able to squeeze it all in. By eleven AM I’d met the hydration requirements and was so full of water I didn’t want lunch. Kidding. I always eat lunch. But I drank a lot of water that day.

Below, James spies on encourages his employees.

I’m pretty sure Online Dater Jason will be earning the total possible points for recording what he eats each day as it shouldn’t be too complicated (“steak, meat, hamburger…”).

Alright folks, you all have a happy week and I’m off to jot down my organic oat consumption for the day, right after I fish my notebook out of the refrigerator.