They Made Me Write This

Here’s the thing, y’all. Another branch here at Envoy absorbed our branch. We’re still the Memorial Branch of Envoy, but it’s like this other branch swallowed us and now we’re like the right bicep, shoulder and a boob in our new large branch.

And here’s the other thing. And this is hard, folks…

My ole Boss Chad has gone to work at another company.

Next week I will spill all the juicy details and interview James and ask him if any punches were thrown, but for now, please know that we all still love Chad and didn’t mean any harm when we egged his car as he drove away (kidding!).

And here’s the other other thing. My Boss James has a new boss now named Ty. I have compiled some facts for your reading pleasure about James’ new boss Ty:

  • I’m pretty sure he is very successful.
  • He seems like he would drive a fancy car. This has not been confirmed.
  • Dude knows how to run a meeting.
  • I am kind of afraid of him. Not like I think he’ll kill me, but like maybe he knows the mafia or something.
  • He visited our office today and as soon as I walked in (I’m talking hadn’t even put my purse down) he called me into an empty office. What!? Somebody needs to tell this dude that I carry little importance here. Nothing to see here, folks! Just reading my Glamour Magazine in the corner. Carry on! Here’s how the meeting went:

New Boss Ty: You’re the blogger?

Me (confidently): Yes!

New Boss Ty (motioning me into James’ office): Come on, let’s go over some stuff.

Me (not as confidently): Okay.

New Boss (extremely confidently): You’ve been on the radio show with David Zugheri, right?

[Note: David Zugheri is one of the founders of Envoy. He let me be on his radio show once because he’s totally cool. Read about that here.]

Me (very confidently): Yes!

New Boss (still standing): Well tomorrow night we have a realtor that’s going to be on the show and David’s going to interview her…

Me (silently in my head): Dude, who listens to AM radio on a Friday night (I mean, like, except for when I’m on the show)?

Me (noticing the guy is still standing up): Should I stand up? You’re standing up. I’ll stand, too. (Stands up.)

New Boss (speaking rapidly): Put this in the blog. The radio show isn’t just going to be talking about mortgages now. They’re going to start interviewing realtors. Tell them Haley Garcia is going to be on tomorrow night. It’s on AM 700 – The Lance Roberts Show.

Me (unsure about how he’s going to take what I’m about to say): So, can I tell people that if they listen to AM radio on a Friday night, they should really get out more?

New Boss (still standing): Sure. And tell realtors if they want to get on the show, get in touch with us. And encourage readers to call in to the show.

Me (still standing): Okay, but you know, this is like, the most boring thing I’ve ever heard. You know that, right? (Holds breath waiting for response.)

New Boss (kind of ignoring me): Yeah. Whatever you want to do. Just tell people.

Okay, people. I told you. Now, let’s move on…

I’m thinking you should prank call the show. Just to get your wheels turning:

  • “Is your refrigerator running?” (Never gets old!)
  • Straight up tooting sounds into the phone. If you don’t think tooting is funny, you need to get a life.
  • “Do you have any ten pound balls?” Oh wait, that only works at bowling alleys. But you could make it work if you’re quick on your feet.

Okay y’all, thanks for hanging with me. I’ll give you more details next week about Chad leaving, so come back Tuesday.

Boring Part They’re Making Me Write:

Before you go, in order to avoid being targeted by any large men in trench coats, I’m going to list the details of the show again:

  • AM 700
  • Friday night, November 15th, 6:00-8:00 PM
  • Please begin prank calling at 6:30 (they didn’t tell me to write that part – I may get fired)
  • Interview is with a snappy realtor named Haley Garcia from Heritage Texas Properties

And, carry on…